Any Job But THATJob...

CAVEAT: R18 (hmmm... mas naging interesado ka syempre... hindi? plastik.)

Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, jaw stress, suction and gag reflex. And all the while bobbing up and down and moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing.

-Samantha, S&theC

*and not mention having to deal with the smell (that's why we have soaps people! jeez! and if you're not into soaps [?!], there's an underwear with deodorizing abilities - find it.)... tapos there's hand placements in areas you don't normally want your hands on pa... and it wouldn't hurt to trim you-know-what, i mean really, who's into hairy m*n-s*cks? so what we're saying is, easy is more than an understatement, its a freakin' insult. so, next time you say "there's nothing into it naman eh" why don't you try if for change? mpf.

*eto yung kwento... I had an awful day at school, so i was about to go home and drown myself in misery when M*rk texted asking if i was free.

sabi ko "exams ko"

sabi niya "and when did that ever stopped you from seeing me?"

sabi ko "haba ng hair mo gago ka".

sabi niya "sunduin kita, labas tayo."

sabi ko "exams ko nga".

sabi niya "pakipot. nasa apartment nyo na ako in an hour."

sabi ko "ok."

naisip ko kasi, if i were to drown in my own misery, idadamay ko na lang siya para masaya.

so yun na nga, pumunta kami sa walang kamatayang watering hole... half way into me lamenting about how pathetic my life is and i really want out of school, out of nowhere, biglang...

"he won't go down on me..." si M*rk

"puta ka M*rk!" yun na lang nasabi ko.

si M*rk e matagal ko nang kaibigan. gwapo pero hindi artistahin. crush ko yun dati until i found out he prefers cher over madonna. right then and there, sabi ko, we're better off friends. hehehe.  ako yung para niyang confidante. haha. ewan ko ba kung bakit sa akin niya sinasabi ang mga bagay-bagay. siguro dahil may short-term memory loss ako at madali kong makalimutan ang mga sikreto niya.

"who won't go down on you?" sabi ko sa wakas

"si L*e." sabi niya

"sino si L*e? whatever happened to  V*nz?" sabi ko

"nag-abroad eh, anu ako tanga? maghihintay. gago siya, gwapo ko kaya" sabi niya

"confidence! why not!" sabi ko sa isip ko

"im tired of the kissing, gusto ko yung bastusan na... wala naman akong reklamo, i mean, he's a pretty good kisser at 16..." sabi niya

i could swear beer came out of my nose...

"gago, statutory rape na yan M*rk" sabi ko

"paano yun? kilala mo ako, hindi ko kakayanin ang pa-sweetums lang" sabi niya

"eh anu aasahan mo sa deysi sais anyos? talgang pa-sweetums lang yan... for all we know, kakatuli lang nun... iba ka, talaga naman oo. natalbugan mo ang dapa-eksena ni Miriam Santiago sa problema mo." sabi ko.

"ano problema ni L*e at ayaw niya?" sabi ko

"it's hard daw... gago hindi yun - talagang hard yun... i mean yung act, mahirap daw." sabi niya

"hahaha..." sabi ko

"seryoso gago, tigang na ako. i mean, mahirap? anung mahirap dun?" sabi niya.

"bakit, na-try mo na?" sabi ko.

"that's unfair" sabi niya.

at yun na nga, kinowt ko ang Sex and the City sa kanya. really, next time you complain about something, whatever that thing is, subukan mo muna. haha.

PS

sabi ko sa kanya "bigyan mo yung BATA ng panahon, baka naiilang lang siya..."

sabi niya "bakit naman siya maiilang, it should come natural to him"

sabi ko "ewan ko sayo, hatid mo na ako, at aalamin ko pa kung anu ang mutuum..."

PPS

The writing style is different, experimenting lang...  Hehehe...