"Lagi ka naman masaya sir e, may cheat ka ata... Hehehe."
Expert tayo jan. I thought. Expert tayo sa pagpapanggap.
Totoo naman. Ang galing natin - magaling tayong magmukhang masaya.
Our laughs have been practiced to authenticity.
Our smiles have been painted to perfection.
And our eyes have been polished to a shine.
That's us - acting (thinking) like its a crime to be unhappy - kasi nga dapat GAY di ba?
Kung nag-post ka ng happy activities, ng happy messages... Kung nakakaya mong mag-host ng event o mag-facilitate ng activity despite - iisipin nila okay ka na.
That you're not hurting because you're functioning like its business as usual.
But deep deep inside whatever's left of your heart - is a weakened spirit trying very hard to keep it all together - keeping it all in.
Maybe because you don't want HIM to see you defeated - even if you know you are.
I feel suffocated most days - I couldn't breathe.
I am tied on going out and run the risk of seeing HIM and the Other together.
My walls are caving in and my arms are too tired already to fight the force.
I am giving up.