Thursday, May 1, 2014

Constant Choosing...

This is not the last time you will have to choose. Mama started.

There will be plenty of times you will be put in this position. And sometimes, it's when you least expect it. Mama stopped and held my hand.

You see, its a constant choosing of someone. Despite the amount of pain, the deceit and the taking-for-granted, when you decide to choose that person, you stick to it. It was like that with your dad until he decided not to choose me. There was a faint smile from my Mama.

Why are you smiling? ME

Did it show? Haha. Its just that I have finally said it: your dad did not choose me. Even if I would have chosen him a thousand times over, he finally decided to choose someone else. And my acceptance for this, now, while talking to you, is liberating. Mama was all smiles now.

I'm glad Ma. ME

Mama's smile quickly faded and her eyes looked at me intently.

Do not be like me. Mama's gripped on my hand grew tighter.

Choose someone who'll choose you - despite your morning breath, or your "kasungitan," or your lack of regard for others sometimes. Choose someone who will wait, who has no eyes for anyone but you, who is afraid when your mad, who respects your "no" and celebrates your "yes." Mama was firm on her words.

Are you getting me? You have doubted your choices before and you made bad ones too. Time to make healthier choices this time. Hindi ka naman na bata.  Mama was imposing now.

ME nodded.

Please choose someone who'll choose you, even if you would not choose him. Alam mo kung bakit? Mama asked

ME shook my head.

Because you deserve to be chosen Son. Mama

And in that instant, everything became clear to ME - I knew.