Sunday, April 28, 2013

Lovin' Feelin'...

Pwede pa pala akong kiligin.



We were lying on the couch, M was on top of ME, he kissed my forehead, then my nose and then my lips. His was the more gentle and softest of kisses.

He lifted his face, and gave that fall-for-me smile of his and started singing:

     Mahal kita, basta mahal kita.

     Iniisip nila ay hindi mahalaga.

He paused. Smiled. Kissed my lips again then continued:

     Mahal kita maging sino ka man.

For the first since HE, ME gave a genuine smile - like a kilig smile.

     ‘Wag kang mag-isip ng ano pa man
     Mga paliwanag mo’y di na kailangan
     At kahit ano pa ang iyong nakaraan
     Mamahalin kita maging sino ka man

M continued with the song and finished it. 

And all throughout the song M was looking at ME like he was trying to look for something.

May nahanap ka ba sa mga mata ko? ME said smiling when he finished the song.

Konti, pero parang ang dami pang kailangan mahanap. M replied.

Anong nahanap mo? ME

Nahanap ko na madali kang kiligin... Hahaha. M

Kapal! ME

M kissed ME again.

I like the song... ME said.

I like singing to you. M answered.

ME smiled again.

Thank you for the song - really. ME whispered.

Madami pa akong alam na kanta - if you'd let me. M whispered back

Eh di nag-smile na naman ako! Hahaha.


Jusko Lord! Ang tanda ko na para kiligin! Bwahahaha!

Pero kebs na lang! 

Here's to those few moments when you feel something good again.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Truth is...

I'm irreparable - you broke me so bad that its so hard for me to lose myself in love again...

Every date ends up with me so guarded and uptight that I can only apologize to the torture I have put my dates in...

Every show of sincerity is clouded by insecurities...

Every extra attention and soft caress becomes a simple call for s*x... (Not that I get a lot.)

Every "i miss yous" and "i am thinking of yous" becomes a joke...

And this whole dating bit has just become a chore.

Sometimes I feel like i'm only for intermittent and ephemeral affairs na lang... 


I'd like to hope that it will come (again) - that take-my-breath-away kind of loving but as of late, its so hard to come-by...

Nagmamadali lang siguro ako, kind of growing impatient because i'm not getting younger.

Bigla kong naiisip tuloy: is my happiness so dependent on being with someone? 

Parang nakarely kasi for the longest time kay HE ang kasiyahan ko na alam ko, nagyon lang, ay mali. Yeah, we should have at least happiness, independent from anyone's existence, to survive.


Here's to finding out what personal happiness do we have - independent of people and things.

Posible kaya?

PS: There's someone though who's been trying - being patient with me - and I can only hope he hangs on until I get myself together.