ME can't help but stalk J - if there's even a hint that HE is still communicating with him.
The other day, I found a post similar to what J posted when ME messaged him to talk about HE last year before the confrontation: Hindi ako nakikipagkumpetensiya sa'yo. Insecure ka lang - kawawa ka naman, walang gamot diyan.
Then ME called HE - twice and it were all unanswered.
ME texted: Why are you not answering my calls?
After two hours, HE replied: Nag-gym ako.
Paranoid ka na naman. HE
What is it this time. HE continued.
J - you still communicate? ME
No. Galit yun sa akin. HE
I'm really also trying very hard to not get paranoid, so give me time too. ME added.
What do I have to do? HE
I need you to constantly assure me that I should not be paranoid or get doubts. ME
Done. At 'wag masyadong paranoid - hindi healthy. HE
Wen. ME said
ME is insecure. J is really guwapo and ME's pretty sure there's a little more something-something J can do in bed - HE would not consider (to the least) a physical relationship with him if not.
Ano bang gamot sa insecurity? Ay oo nga, wala nga daw sabi ni J.
So this is how it feels to have a constant cloud of doubt on your head.
ME's really trying hard to fight them. But at times, it just gets really strong that you're convinced that something is wrong and that your doubts - your gut feelings - are right.
ME guess ME just have to try harder.
But ME's praying harder that my doubts are wrong.
The next day, HE changed his profile picture.
And every time ME's in doubt, ME looks at the profile picture.
Here's to facing our own insecurities and other ghosts.