Tan Gee A...

When ME was in grade school, my adviser would comment every time one of us would get the wrong answer to her recitation question:  "Ay! Kakaasi met, tan-gee-a!" (Ay, Kawawa naman, tanga). She would stress the "g" sound so its less obvious, but we all know anyway what she meant.

Tanga - yan ako. ME can easily neglect all forms of rationality when it comes to HE. Sabi ko nga kay SHE dati: Kilala ko sarili ko. Alam ko na papaniwalaan ko lahat ng sinasabi niya kahit ibang-iba na ang nakikita at nararamdaman ko. I'll believe what's convenient for me to believe.

You see, HE lied and cheated. It took ME until now to finally acknowledge that.

There were the late night texts and calls. ME dismissed them as business because HE said so.

There was less sex. ME dismissed that natural for a couple because HE said so.

There were band-aid-covered-love marks. ME dismissed that as allergies because HE said so.

ME knows what it is.ME wasn't born yesterday but ME chose to hold HE's words for it. Tang gee a.

Third quarter last year, HE went to Japan for a business trip. When HE came back, HE said HE's just dropping by to give ME's pasalubong and HE's going straight to SHE's as HE missed the twins. ME was definitely okay with that - nothing suspicious.

But then the next day, posted all over his Facebook wall was a tagged picture of an all-too-familiar pasalubong - Japanese box, with a native biscuit, 2 Meji chocoloates, a shirt... My pasalubong box contained native biscuits and SOCKS!  Yun lang! P*t*ng *n*ng medyas yan! Siya may t-shirt na may chocolates pa! Ako medyas? T*ng *n* kaya kong bumili ng sampung p*t*ng *n*ng medyas!

But what gave ME the death blow was a letter that came with it... My heart stopped beating - ME knows the handwriting and the manner with which it was written in the stationary - ME have about 30 of them from HE.

The next day HE texted: Good Morning!

ME replied: Good morning din sa inyo ni Jefrey...

HE: O - bakit si Jepot?

ME didn't reply.

HE: Ah - si Jef -  bading yun - kabarkada ko sa trabaho - barkada ko na nung college pa...

ME didn't reply.

HE: Bakit nagseselos ka sa kanya? O baka type mo - yaan mo bgay ko number mo sa kanya...

ME still no reply.

HE: Yan nabigay ko na number mo, hintayin mo text nya...

ME was crying now. And no Jefrey did not text.

We did not speak for a week.

Then for 2 weeks.

When we finally spoke - HE denied everything and ME wished I could believe every excuse - but I know... I wished I didn't, but I know that HE's not telling me the truth. I've been here countless of times and I've developed an infallible instinct for it.

Sh*t. Nothing hurts like being lied - to your face.

This song just hit it:

       What am I gonna do
       When the best part of me was always you
       And what am I suppose to say
       When I'm all choked up and you're okay


This specially is true the last time ME saw them together.

Pero hanggang ngayon, what remains from all the broken pieces is a voice at the back of my mind echoing: P*t*ng *n*ng medyas!  Sh*t!