Where do you want us to go? HE
Ano? ME
Saan mo tayo gusto pumunta? Tinagalog na NYA - masama na ito.
Can we just be where we are? ME
No, HE and ME were not talking about where to eat.
-o0o-
ME was attempting to cook adobo and HE was attempting to peel potatoes.
Naalala mo si Manang Minda? HE washing the potatoes
Hindi. Bakit? ME sauteing garlic and pork
Siya yung binilhan natin ng brownies nung pasko. HE now peeling
Ah - yung maintainance nyo? ME pouring toyo and suka
Oo, yung may walong anak. HE still peeling
O bakit si Manang? ME putting the lid on the casserole
Buntis na naman kasi. HE
Ah - puwes alam ko na regalo natin sa kanya next Christmas! ME
Condom? HE now slicing the potatoes
Hindi. TV para may iba silang libanagan. Hehehe. ME putting whole pepper seeds into the pot.
Sanadali, ME again, eh ano naman ngayon kung buntis? Ikaw ba nakabuntis?
Gago. Hindi. HE
Ano nga? ME
Binibigay nya yung magiging anak nya sa atin. HE
I tuned the stove off. I was stunned.
Ano yun? Tuta lang? ME
Hindi, syempre tinanong nya ako. Kaysa daw sa ampunan, at least kung ibibigay nya sa kilala niya, mas mapapanatag daw sya. HE - casual lang siya parang nag-uusap lng kami ng grocery list
Ano sabi mo? ME
Sabi ko salamat dahil kinonsider nya akong mabuting ama. Tapos sabi ko pag-iisipan pa - tatlong buwan pa lang naman siya. HE
Ano sabi ni SHE? ME
Hindi ko pa sinabi kay SHE, sayo ko sana gustong i-open yung possibility. HE
Sa aso nga ayaw ko, sa bata pa kaya? ME
Iba naman yung aso. HE
Talagang iba. Just think, a child - a real child sa bahay natin. How will we raise a child sa set-up na ito? Lalaki lang yung batang sobrang deconstructed ang tignin sa pamilya. ME
Isn't that a good thing? HE
No, its not. Its hard enough as it is to be gay. But to grow-up with gay parents? It's not me I'm worried about, its the kid. I wouldn't want him or her to go through an even greater pain than what i've gone thru. ME all fired up
Wala lang, I just thought we could have a chance at a family. HE
My heart broke. Tatanga-tanga din kasi ako kung minsan talaga and 'insensitive' would be a kind word to use. I have, in front of me, a man who actually wants to have a family with me (kids and all) and look at what i'm doing?
Hey, YOU are my family. ME lifting his chin towards me. I'm not promising to reconsider but right now is not the best time or will the next six months be.You know i'm back in school and i'm failing 80% of my subjects already so i don't exactly have the greatest confidence right now for anything - more for rearing a child. ME
Where do you want us to go? HE
...
-o0o-
Ang saya siguro - may bulilit kami ni HE na kahit hindi galing sa aming dalawa ay sigurado namang mamahalin namin ng parang amin siya.
I admit, the thought excites me. But more than the excitement, is fear - HE and ME can very well provide para sa bulilit and we might even have extra. Kung care at love din lang of a family, we can provide the minimum. But then, we cannot protect the bulilit forever, eventually, lalabas yan sa pugad at pag nakita nya ang mundo, magtatanong na yan. Ano sasabihin namin pag naghanap ng nanay? Kapag nalaman nyang bakla kami? Kung lalaki siya - baka maging bakla din siya (not that i'm against it - bongga pag ganun!- pero you know what i mean, i would feel an ounce of guilt for pushing him to be gay)...
Gusto kong isipin na yung pagmamahal namin ni HE para sa bulilit ay magiging sapat para maging ok siya. pero hindi e - alam kong hindi. At oo, yung fears that i'm feeling are more for ME than for the bulilit. Takot ako. Takot ako to be completely responsible for a life.
There's a lot of stuff i think i can't do but when i actually have the courage to do, I do it well.
This is not one of those things.
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I am not having kids evah!
ReplyDeletePero nagbilin na si mama sa akin. In the unlikely event daw na makabuntis ako (uuuuuber unlikely) at ayaw nung girl dun sa baby, ibigay ko na lang daw sa kanya. para daw may apo siya.
Pero kaloy, pag nagawa niyo nang tama yan, mas tatatag kayo. Magiging dagdag glue sa relationship niyo ni HE. Though I hope the kid will be more that just glue.
pag isipan mabuti mamabigat na responsibilidada yan...
ReplyDeleteAKO AY ISANG AMPON DIN...
IM HERE WILLING TO LISTEN...
k Nishiboy: Hindi ko pa kaya - aside from the lack of maturity to be a parent, i'm just scared sh*tless... hehe. Panalo ung bilin ni mama mo - :)
ReplyDeletek uno: thank you - from your perspective ba, will it be a wise choice?
akin na lang kamo yung magiging anak ni ate.
ReplyDeletek engel: your seriously considering? topic ever came up with the kid yet - having kids i mean? :)
ReplyDeleteWell, so where indeed do you want you guys to go? =)
ReplyDeleteKane
>ehem< >ehem< eepal lang...
ReplyDeleteDahil mukhang maselan ang topikong ito, nagresearch ako. :D
according to wikipedia(hihi)...
may mga researchers na nagsabing
"We know very little yet about how parents influence the development of their children's sexual identities or how these intersect with gender... We need comparable data for children reared by single heterosexual mothers or exclusively by men to distinguish the impact of gender from sexual identity here"
di rin naman daw naapektuhan ang pagaaral ng mga bata.
May sinasabing mas mataas ang tsansang mag-deviate sila sa traditional sexual roles(nagiging mas caring ang mga lalaki at mas nagiging "boyish" ang mga babae)
Pero alam naman nating hindi idinidikta ng ugali mo ang sexual prefenrence mo.
and according to:http://www.narth.com/docs/does.html
"The studies indicate that sexual orientation has no measurable effect on the quality of parent-child relationships or on the mental health of children. "
hihi sorry kung weak yung research ^^
k Kane: nowhere - would it be wrong it be wrong to stay in status quo - steady lang ba? :)
ReplyDeletek exanthiel: huwaw for the research! pero while WE might have a chance at this, i'm not exactly ecstatic to take on the challenge. wala talaga siguro akong maternal instincts... :)
Hi kaloy! I just wish I was in your position. I mean to be given a chance to have a family with the man I love? I understand your fears but weren't we gays trying to pursue equality? Dapat same sex marriage, dapat same lang pagtingin sa atin ng tao. Now that we have the chance to prove na pareho lang ang pagmamahal ng gay sa straight, we start wilting? Wag naman sana. Kaya yan dude!
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ReplyDeletek Kryptonite User: Hey! We missed you!
ReplyDeleteMay problema ata yung pagka-bakla ko minsan - i know i should want it but i don't... and while i am pro-equality [and say even if i knew we were capable of raising a family] - i just don't want that, at least not yet... sometimes i think something's wrong with me for not wanting it... i don't know - the possibility lingers...