What if SHE and I get annulled? HE
The marriage you mean? ME pretending that the question was no more important than asking for a fresh towel.
Yes. HE said looking at me with his i'm-serious-damn-it-face.
I met someone. Well, more like met again. SHE during lunch yesterday.
HE told me, pero non-detailed. Kilala mo naman yun. Chismis - go! ME
College classmate before. Bumped into him sa supermarket with his kid. Yes, annulled siya with one kid. SHE
So... ME trying to get more out of SHE
So, he's nice. A really good cook. And he pays me attention. SHE
I stared at SHE.
I know that look. ME
What look? SHE being defensive
That look when you look at HE - a sense of serenity after longing. ME
Hay, yun nga - I feel that way. Yung kalma lang ba lahat. Like everything's smooth sailing. SHE
Sarap no? ME
Hahaha. Loca! Hindi - yung feeling. Hahaha! ME
Hahahaha. Yeah. Alam mo naman na with HE and me, it's like a really old friendship na lang. Tapos with Chris, parang babae ulit ako. SHE
ME and SHE laughed in unison.
I looked at HE
And you're asking me because? ME
Huwag na lang, kalimutan mo na lang I asked. HE was pissed.
Look, its not going to make a difference for ME and our relationship. It's not like we can get married. ME
But it does matter with SHE. HE
I was silent. Ashamed even. Talagang minsan, sarili ko lang iniisip ko.
I buried my head in my palms. Yes, of course, an annulment would be favorable to SHE.
Alam mo the other day, HE was asking ME kung paano daw if you get annulled. ME
Ano sabi mo? SHE
Sabi ko, that wouldn't make a difference with us kasi we can't get married. I had to tell SHE the truth.
Pero you know what HE said? ME continued
Tumawa sya? SHE
Hindi. Sabi niya, it would matter to you just in case. ME
HE's really growing up. SHE
Hahaha. Akalain mo HE's capable of that? ME
I'm proud of HE you know - like a proud mama. SHE
Me too - the 'mama' part. Hehe. Pero SHE going back... ME
I don't know if I'll marry again... SHE interrupted. Ikaw ba, do you want us to get annulled?
I was stunned. I don't know if I am going to answer the way I answered HE - that it doesn't matter. Or would I unleash that 'girl' in me and say yes please.
We're okay naman di ba? I mean the way we are - this whole set up, it works. I finally said.
Don't you want more? SHE
I looked at SHE.
Do you? ME
No, not now. SHE
And you? SHE added.
I'm good. ME
I keep on thinking that SHE can't let go of HE, I can feel it to the gut. But I'm not jealous of SHE's attachment with HE - they do have a history together. I have come to accept that like rain in June.
Perhaps I can't let go of SHE as well - we have formed an attachment over the years that an annulment would only strain it.
And perhaps HE can't let go of either of us. HE's too comfortable with SHE and ME around.
Siguro kung minsan, hindi, madalas kaming tatlo lang ang nagkaka-intindahan.... Ewan. I'm still dumbfounded when it comes to the attachments we share with each other. But whatever we three have, we're okay.