Sunday, October 3, 2010
I HAVE to Choose...
I thought I could handle three things at the same time...
But I guess three c*cks are different from three actual life plans...
So lesson ONE: What you can do in bed does not necessarily parallel outside the bed.
Sigh - the things WE can do if it were the case...
But seriously - I HAVE BECOME MEDIOCRE.
When I was just doing one of the above, I was above average and now I'm barely hanging to poor bordering stupid...
Here's how I got tangled with the mess I'm in...
Right after college, I did RED, from 15 sections in the first year, we were cut to just 5 on the second. It was a good sign - no failed subjects and average is okay to get me through at least the second year (I just have to get through being called "kuya" every time).
But I got bored with RED so I took a sabbatical and started with BLUE. BLUE opened up opportunities for me - I have had so many firsts with BLUE... I got to see places out of Luzon and the country, and got to attend seminars with CEOs and Directors (bilang PA ng boss ko - hahahahahahaha). I was the pioneer in all the three positions I was given as they were precisely created for me (taray much). The room for growth given by my bosses was so HUGE that its starting to swallow me whole... So the problem starts...
Barely a year and a half with BLUE, I grew tired. The processes are practically stable and the staff are well on their way to doing their jobs without supervision - this was the goal after all. What I only account for now are the usual evaluations and planning. I felt I needed something more fulfilling - so entered YELLOW.
I LUVRE YELLOW. The joy it brings me when a student gets the correct answer in a question I throw in class, is orgasmic - in a weird-academic way. But the best is when they argue with you and stand by their opinions no matter how hard you try to deconstruct their arguements and convince them that they are logically incorrect - a fallacy of sorts. I guess YELLOW kept me sane - it was my haven - with YELLOW, I felt needed.
But alas, after a year with YELLOW, I decided to go back to RED in fear of losing my inheritance (hahahahaha). So I was doing BLUE in the morning, RED at night, YELLOW on Saturdays and God on Sundays. I felt like Anemone (Cue opening song from Magic Night Rayearth) - I could do everything. Not until I saw my midterm grades at RED that it hit me - I was failing, miserably at that.
So I decided that I have to give up one.
YELLOW was definitely a keeper - its either RED or BLUE that I have to let go.
BLUE pays for all my bills.
RED consumes most of what I earn from BLUE.
BLUE does not excite me anymore.
RED, however, manages to keep me on my toes.
If I give up BLUE, YELLOW definitely cannot sustain my living (have you seen the budget cut on education?).
RED, meanwhile, is a good investment for the future and if I'm lucky enough, I shall fulfill my mamma's dream for me (maybe then I could come out - hahahahahaha).
Hence, it shall boil down to the age-old battle between what I need and what I want.
HE offered to help out with RED but I declined, its just something that I have to do and manage by myself, I told HIM. Besides, he helps more than enough with the household expenses already and he is, after all, a family man.
Eenie meenie miney moe... RED or BLUE Kaloy?
Posted by kaloy at 10:14 PM