To You...

You've been here - countless times.

You know how it feels.

And you are well too familiar with the dilemma.

You understand - even empathize.

And I know too how I sound - trapped in a vicious cycle of letting-love and letting-go.

And at the back of both our minds, perhaps, we have expected this.

You were hopeful for something different, I was too.

God! I struggled.

Every. Single. Day.

But as the fates would have it - I'm back to were I left off.

I tried.

I really did.

To have a different ending.

To be in a different place.

To fight another battle.

But all have lead me back to the same place - the same person.

You know how hard it is to run against the current - to brave against the direction of the wind.

I tried. More than you know, I tried.

And it left me empty.

It left me tired.

Perhaps I'm weak.

Or scared.

Or both.

I'm just done...

I'm done fighting it.

I'm done fighting ME.

The Same Different...

The thrusts were deep - forceful.

I was pushed to the wall and I didn't mind the wall caressing my body.

I ached for it, I was asking for it.

The breathing was heavy and the grips were strong.

The moans - yes, the moans - got loud.

And in perfect unison, we finished.

You... you are wonderful. HE whispered as we collapsed to the floor.

And this... this is the last. ME said

You don't mean that. HE

ME didn't.

This is just, this is not proper. ME attempted to reason.

Now you tell me that after the deed. HE laughed.

I know, its a pathetic guilty admission of a sin. ME replied.

Its not a sin. HE

J? M? Its a complete disregard for them. ME

I have not been seeing J for a month. HE

ME knew.

Look at me. HE said in authority. I am not asking you more than what you can give. Only what you can, this is the price to be paid for what I did. I understand that and I am willing to be sidelined. M sounds like a far better guy than me. But I'm saying this now: J is out of the picture.

ME was quiet.

I deserve to be an option - but, if for anything, I want to be YOUR option. HE said as he gently kissed my lips.

ME kissed HE back.

Not in the Mood...

I have not been into s*x for the last months.

I have not had the appetite for it.

No - its not M.

M's hot.

Its just that I'm tired too often and not even M's overflowing s*x appeal would get me in the mood.

-o0o-

Magbabawas ako a. M said after I turned him down.

Ha? Me acting innocent.

'Di ko kaya eh. kailangan kong ilabas. M said.

I kissed M's ears.

Gusto ko makita ka ng mabuti habang nagpapalabas. I whispered.

I could see M smile.

M went on top of me, raised his left hand and grabbed his hair and went on to wrap his right hand on his p*nis.

He gyrated and moved on top of me never breaking eye contact until he came - and came again.

-o0o-

That would have put me in the mood.

But it didn't - what is wrong with me?