Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Dear M...

I lied...

When I told you I don't like getting flowers - I do, kahit perinwinkle, papatusin ko.

When I told you chocolates are for kids - chocnut, I would die for chocnut!

When I told you I don't like movie dates - I sneak to cinemas on weekdays when we're not together.

When I tell you I got the bill for us - I would anticipate for you to share it.

When I told you I never liked Valentines - I was hoping for you to surprise me with a rose or a Toblerone or anything!

When I told you I was  a home buddy so let's just stay home during the weekends - I am really aching for an adventure out-of-town.

When I said I don't celebrate monthsaries or anniversaries - I really don't but I would love to start celebrating.

When I told you I don't expect anything of you and what's important is that you're there for me - I do! I do expect a lot!

I want you to break my rules - show me that I deserve to get the cheesy stuff and conform to the norms of a hetero- relationship even if we're not.

I want you to engage my friends in conversations on capitalism, class intersectionality and Wicked!

I want to feel like I'm not the only one initiating things (save for the s*x that you can't get enough of).

I lied to you when I said I want it simple - I don't.

I want the whirlwind crazy addicting kind of love.

I want more and you don't know how bad that makes me feel - that I'm not contented when I should.

I feel like a villain - never satisfied with just "good." I blame my education for it.

You, by far, has been so good to me but I am hoping it would get better.

Please make it better.

Because now, I think I might have lied too when I said I love you...

12 comments:

  1. And I honestly think he's not the one at fault here so give him the chance and start being honest.

    Rooting for M.

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    Replies
    1. I couldn't - I kept it all to myself because I know M would just feel worse about the state of things. And I couldn't keep on spending for the both of us. Hehe.

      But I am rooting for M to. I just really needed to let all that out of my system.

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  2. asan na yan si M... kakausapin ko... :)

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    Replies
    1. Nasa trabaho po siya kuya. Ahihihihi.

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  3. In the matters of the heart, I have learned not to compromise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What other option is left? :)

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    2. Wait and see, and at the same time, prepare him. You might need to let him go. Gaya ng sinabi ko, nanggaling na ako sa iyong sitwasyon.

      http://fullmetaldreams.blogspot.com/2008/04/ikalima.html

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  4. He might get used to it Sir. Sad part is that he might think that everything's okay. But it isn't enough for you.

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    Replies
    1. I want to strike a balance somewhere - I really do - and reach something that would be enough...

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