Just When...

Pwede ka na bumisita Babe sa amin - naglipat na kami ng bahay - yung apartment na talaga. Wala pa lang mga gamit pero mas maayos na. Masayang balita ni M.

-o0o-

This would be the first time, if ever, that I would actually see where M sleeps when we're not together.

I also know that this effort would be a huge cut-off of his allowance.

M tries no?

And trying is good enough for me.

I should be so lucky.

No Card Still...

I still don't have a card but I did get this...

There are compromises eh? This is a good enough letter for ME - even better than a card.

LOL!

Smiley.

PS: Apologies for bragging.

Dear M...

I lied...

When I told you I don't like getting flowers - I do, kahit perinwinkle, papatusin ko.

When I told you chocolates are for kids - chocnut, I would die for chocnut!

When I told you I don't like movie dates - I sneak to cinemas on weekdays when we're not together.

When I tell you I got the bill for us - I would anticipate for you to share it.

When I told you I never liked Valentines - I was hoping for you to surprise me with a rose or a Toblerone or anything!

When I told you I was  a home buddy so let's just stay home during the weekends - I am really aching for an adventure out-of-town.

When I said I don't celebrate monthsaries or anniversaries - I really don't but I would love to start celebrating.

When I told you I don't expect anything of you and what's important is that you're there for me - I do! I do expect a lot!

I want you to break my rules - show me that I deserve to get the cheesy stuff and conform to the norms of a hetero- relationship even if we're not.

I want you to engage my friends in conversations on capitalism, class intersectionality and Wicked!

I want to feel like I'm not the only one initiating things (save for the s*x that you can't get enough of).

I lied to you when I said I want it simple - I don't.

I want the whirlwind crazy addicting kind of love.

I want more and you don't know how bad that makes me feel - that I'm not contented when I should.

I feel like a villain - never satisfied with just "good." I blame my education for it.

You, by far, has been so good to me but I am hoping it would get better.

Please make it better.

Because now, I think I might have lied too when I said I love you...

Because You Don't Stop Letting Go...

HE never missed a Birthday and a Valentines to send ME a card. Regardless of fights, the intermittent separations and those times of tension-filled silences, ME always had a card.

Over the weekend, ME thought (and maybe hoped a little) that come Monday, HE's card would sit on my table. ME would open it and there would be that familiar phrase HE always signs his name in: "I love you and always will..."

Come Monday - there was no card on my table.

And ME felt an overwhelming kind of sadness.

It all feels like an eternal letting-go.

That every time ME remembers HE, ME would have to repeat performance and let-go again.

-o0o-

On other news, I and M spent a post-valentines date with my high school classmates (and their partners too). This is one of the things I could have never done with HE.

But M had one to many drinks and I literally spent our post-date, cleaning M and his vomit on the bed, the sheets and pillows and the bedroom walls and curtains. I never knew one could vomit so much.

M woke up with a massive headache and I never really slept. LOL!

Never Really a Fan of February...

Sorry daw kasi hndi niya ako maayang magdate this balemtyms.

Okay lang naman sa akin.

Hindi naman yun mahalaga.

Saka wala din naman mapupuntahan na hindi ka pipila sa Friday.

Ang tanda ko na din naman para sa mga ganyan.

Besides, I never really celebrate Valentines - HE was always with SHE.

So no biggie.

And in Other News...

I put M as my "person in case of emergency."

This warrants news - at least for me.

:)