The 2012 That Was...

So here's the summary of my attempts at life this year, in quotes:

JANUARY - Trying to move on...

• I'm a mess.
• You are going to be fine because you have a heart like mine. And our hearts - they may break a thousand times but they mend a thousand times too if that's what it takes. Mama

FEBRUARY - 07's advances...

• O7-000001 moved closer.

MARCH - New apartment...

• Mbaet aqoh sir bsta mbaet di kayowh skn... Bsta sir 1st tym ko kya sarapn nyo phowz a... Hehe. BJ

APRIL - Still trying to move-on...

• I'm not hurt but I couldn't let go just yet. (Mention - inspired poem by Eternal Wanderer)
• Salamat naman sa BB P. for the diversion.
• PS: I love musicals. I wish I could just cue to a song and dance number whenever it strikes me. Back-up dancers, singers, confetti and all...

MAY - Some much needed going-away and finally facing what happened...

• Buti pa si Mommy, may asenso.
• In BKK 
• Sh*t. Nothing hurts like being lied - to your face. 

JUNE - Blog turned play...

• I'm just glad something still comes up from all my mess here.

JULY - Trying out 07...

• But 07 is not HE. Plain and simple. I look at him and he's not...

AUGUST - Back with HE and paranoia with J...

• And ME always knew HE would be welcomed back - no questions... No pretensions...
• I think I'm keeping J. HE said
• But I know I can take more blows from HE - i'll let ME bruise and bleed 'till I'm numb...

SEPTEMBER - Still paranoid...

• You tell me you love me, on the same breath you tell me that you care for another man!

OCTOBER - Almost worked out again...

• I'm going to work hard to deserve you again. HE said suddenly
• But ME's praying harder that my doubts are wrong.
• But it is clear though - ME have two (2) options:

                   1. Get out! Leave and start anew.
                   2. Martyrdom.

• Look, don't make your own ghosts son. Mama added when ME did not reply. And those doubts - they're gonna eat you alive like parasites do. So save yourself the trouble and just think of the good things.  Mama

NOVEMBER - Endings...

• ME's making a mark on ME's territory so them b*tches better not step the line.
• Sure I might be acting from impulse and sure I will have regrets but I can deal with HE or J and whatever they become but me, it would be hard for me to deal with a Self that I don't like.
• I stood up - it was time to walk away.
• Pero kulang pa rin ako para sa'yo. Akala ko hindi na masakit - pero ang sakit sakit pa rin.

DECEMBER - Little bouts of happiness...

• Yeah, I guess there's not a right time to be happy - you just are sometimes.

-o0o-

I bet my year was as full as yours. Here's a little peek at my life outside this blog:

• Got promoted this year (on my full time job)
• One of the photos I took got published recently
• First time in Ilocos, Coron, CDO, Zamboanga, General Santos and Thailand this year
• And I'm back to teaching courses on my first love - Philosophy
• Gained two inches around the waist

-o0o-

Let me take this chance too to say THANK YOU to you. This blog and your (silent/vocal) comments have comforted ME during all the hullabaloos that happened...

Here's to our attempts at life!

The Right Time...

Just a couple of random things...

-o0o-

Someone's been making me happy lately...

It may be tad superficial for now but he really helps a lot in distracting me from thinking too much about things...

Its just really pure fun - the clean one at that...

And it got me thinking, when's the right time to be happy?

I know, you're thinking, wala naman - your happy when you are.

It's just that, I feel a little guilty.

But hey, I'd rather have that than anything else.

And I've been buying an average of two pairs of shoes for the last three weeks as therapy.

Sue me.

-o0o-

I met SHE and the twins this Sunday to exchange gifts over lunch.

The twins were asking why HE was not there.

SHE conveniently said its because Manny had a fight and the twins bought it.

When we had time alone, SHE said bluntly: You ruined him you know.

I resent that. I replied.

But not more than I think he ruined you. SHE continued.

Do I looked ruined? I asked SHE.

Yes. SHE said.

I look defeated, but not yet ruined - I think. I smiled.

I'm kidding - you look perfectly fine. Nag-li-Likas ka na ulit no? SHE said

We laughed.

And just for the record, don't you dare break-up with me. SHE said just before the twins joined the table again.

I smiled - my heart enlarged and it burst with a gazillion smileys.

-o0o-

Yeah, I guess there's not a right time to be happy - you just are sometimes.