Bobo lang...

Sana bobo na lang ako.

I would be so irrational that I would blame everyone else around me for putting me in a position that I now find myself in...

-o0o-

Ang hirap lang.

I'm trying to argue with me that I very well  know everything will lead to nothing while on the other hand, I want to blame the world and play victim for what happened...

-o0o-

Its just altogether frustrating.

I feel like bursting into anger and hate but I know I can't because my rational side says I deserve all that's happening... That I am responsible for all this...

-o0o-

Sigh.

I would give up one day of my life for me to just be able to convince myself that its not my fault and that i'm not to blame for feeling what I am feeling... (No, don't take this as a suicidal statement. Shoot, there's that rationality again...)

Over...

It sounds so final.

Over.

I've just been attempting to cope for the past month.

Sabi ko kahit malampasan ko lang denial - mas magiging okay na ako.

I want to rant about it and say how hurtful and painful it all is.

Pero I can't do that kasi I know that at the back of my mind, I have always been an option - dispensable.

Now I feel angry.

With ME more than anyone.