Trouble with Being an Instructor Is...

When you get infatuated with a student...

-o0o-

Sir, f*ck kita. 07-000001

Parang biglang may nagbuhos sa akin ng nagyeyelong tubig.

Dun yata ako natauhan.

This should not be happening ME thought. No matter how strongly ME felt to heed what he just said. ME think I know better.

No, this is just wrong in all aspects. ME mustered to say as I pulled my underwear up, then my pants.

Gusto kita. Gusto mo ako. Anong mali? 07-000001 a little frustrated.

Walang mali. ME

Oh, ano problema? 07-000001 just irritated

Ako. Problema ako. ME

He just looked puzzled.

Ang labo mo! 07-00001 pulled his boxers and pants up and grabbed his now wet uniform from the CR's floor.

Let's just forget it happened at all. ME.

Bahala ka. 07-000001

-o0o-

O7-000001 was the first boyfriend ME wished ME had.

He's perfect in all angles. Varsity player - basketball (thank you very much). Can carry an english conversation and a tune. Pays attention in class (genuinely). Never late or absent. Argues on the right terms. Killer smile. Hindi dugyutin. Openly gay.

Yup - everyone knows he prefers them with balls but funny thing, all his buddies are straight men who are not in any way threatened nor discriminating towards him. Everybody treats him like them regular straight guy.

Hay.

He would have been perfect if I were 20 or even 22.

Sigh.

-o0o-

Second time mo nang na-joke yan sir. O7-000001

I didn't know you kept count. ME

O7-000001 smiled.

It was those little things that he remembers that endeared him to ME.

He would answer my essay questions as I've lectured in class.

He would brush my shoulder faking an excuse that there was an ant or a stray leaf.

He would wink when I pass them playing basketball.

He would concede to the debates we have in class.

In short - he was just so cool!

-o0o-

One time, when HE could not make it, ME asked O7-000001 to see Departures. It was on its last showing at the Shang.

ME didn't have to beg.

15 minutes. O7-000001 texted back.

We met at the cinema lobby.

Nope, popcorn's on me. He said as ME attempted to pay for our orders on the snack counter.

I invited you di ba? ME

Exactly - common courtesy says I at least provide for the snacks. O7-000001 insisted.

Suits me. I smiled.

That movie was followed by another and another and another until it became a regular thing. He paying for the next and then me and then him.

HE knows O7-000001 already when he came to the house to help me check the midterms. HE cooked bacon (what else?).

And HE knows too that we see movies together.

And HE's intelligent enough to know that ME don't repeat movies we've seen together with someone else unless ME like him that much.

HE doesn't talk about my crushes - HE is secure enough. (Good boy.)

-o0o-

Siguro the tension that's been building between us just begged to resurface on that particular Saturday.

Those all too familiar elbow brushes in cinemas. The looking at each other too often than necessary. The arguing for arguing sake.

He offered to help ME with my things for the faculty room.

ME obliged.

He placed the bulk of papers on my table and ME said thank you.

ME went to the pantry.

ME felt arms around my waist and wet kisses on my neck.

He followed ME to the pantry

Then the kiss led to another then that led to the CR which lead to the let-down.

-o0o-

O7-000001 is a fantasy turned reality that was granted way too late.

Plus, ME knows the bounds of my position and the adverse [potential] effects it may have to it.

And ME is growing old to be fooling around - I know what ME has - HE.

-o0o-

Here's to self-control and trusting that you can summon it when needed.