How hard is it to pretend that you are not aware that I'm looking at you?
If stares could pierce like laser eyes - you'd be a gazillion atoms dispersed by now.
You don't have to play power with me - I submit to you entirely.
You have both my eyes, my stare, my gaze.
Even when I'm not looking - I am.
Even if I become blind this instant - it would be your face that'd appear in the nothingness.
You can't ignore me anyway - I am forcing my presence strongly.
I am also humiliating myself.
Why are you teasing me with your nonchalant feigning?
The casual biting of the lip.
The wetting of your upper lip by your tongue.
You talking with a guy on your right has evoked in me insurmountable jealousy.
You're mocking my flirting - I am once again humiliated.
But also glad - happy - that you notice me.
Or perhaps you noticing is just in my head.
I envy the girl you winked at from across the room.
I know (hope) that she's only a friend.
I hope I was a friend too.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
On A Lost Conversation...
I envy that you still feel that. SHE
Feel what? ME
That excruciating squeeze in your heart when someone hurts you. SHE replied.
ME was at SHE's over the weekend. We were supposed to attempt to make home-made ensaymada but ended up folding the laundry instead.
I wish I didn't. ME said.
Don't say that. You're lucky you know. SHE
Expound. ME challenged SHE
To feel the pain is a gift. At least that's how I see it. It's a gift because that sprang from a special place. It means you still love with a heart that's not been numbed by all the previous hurt you had to go through. Or that you have such a big heart that all the scars could not possibly cover the enormity of your heart's size. It means you're human and you're living. And that you can still love like nothing matters - like you can still lose the world for someone. SHE said with a hint of longing in her voice.
ME just looked at SHE.
SHE looked back. In her eyes was genuine envy.
P.S.
I had this somewhere in my draft files from last year. The "hurt" was from being lied to and giving that person a chance to say the truth but lied anyway.
Feel what? ME
That excruciating squeeze in your heart when someone hurts you. SHE replied.
ME was at SHE's over the weekend. We were supposed to attempt to make home-made ensaymada but ended up folding the laundry instead.
I wish I didn't. ME said.
Don't say that. You're lucky you know. SHE
Expound. ME challenged SHE
To feel the pain is a gift. At least that's how I see it. It's a gift because that sprang from a special place. It means you still love with a heart that's not been numbed by all the previous hurt you had to go through. Or that you have such a big heart that all the scars could not possibly cover the enormity of your heart's size. It means you're human and you're living. And that you can still love like nothing matters - like you can still lose the world for someone. SHE said with a hint of longing in her voice.
ME just looked at SHE.
SHE looked back. In her eyes was genuine envy.
P.S.
I had this somewhere in my draft files from last year. The "hurt" was from being lied to and giving that person a chance to say the truth but lied anyway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)