The Trouble with Farmer Boy...

I don't know how to write this without sounding snob or too proud or villain-ish in a haciendera-owning-wide-brim-hat-wearing manner...

The trouble with Farmer Boy is that - well - ME makes more that he does. I don't make much compared to other consultants but compared to M - hay... So ano problema you say?

Of the times we went out, I had to vouch for both of us - movie tickets, dinners, cab rides... I'm turning to be  a sugar-daddy and I don't like it...

One-time I offered that we take the trike just to see if he offers to pay for it but he didn't. Tapos nag-rationalize ako - he did buy the morning pandesal so I guess yung reserved money nya for fare ay nagastos na kaya he didn't pay for the trike...

Lagi lang kaming nasa-bahay - ayokong mag-ayang lumabas na kasi alam ko, hindi ko aasahan si M  to shell out - he doesn't really even offer to pay half. 

Alam ko naman - hndi niya kaya kasing mag-offer. And I know din na nahihiya na lang sya kapag nasa counter na kami o pag dumating na yung bill tapos direcho na lang sa akin.

Pero I can't provide for both of us every time.

And I don't think M could find another job either - he's not exactly eligible for a white collar one.

I really don't know what I'm ranting about - I mean here's a genuinely good guy that strokes my hair until I fall asleep... That would wake me-up every 4 hours so I could take my meds... That makes me laugh...

Wala naman siguro problema - eh ako mas may kaya eh - ganun talaga siguro. M doesn't ask for anything, just to be clear, nor does he demand anything of me...

But I don't want to be the provider - is that bad?

Hindi na lang ata ako talaga nakuntento - laging may kulang na lang... Nakaka-inis.

I like M - I feel that he's a genuinely good guy. But I don't really feel comfortable being the provider. So where do we strike a balance?

I guess we'll just make do with simple dates - there's a lot of room to innovate naman di ba? And who says you need a mall for a date? Meron naman yung plaza or park ganyan tapos fish ball-fish ball na lang saka gulaman... Pwede na yun.

Hmmmm...

Here's to making-do with what you can.

My Farmer Boy...

M's a farmer - like the rest of his family and the generations before him, they have only known tilling land.

He said he was fortunate that he finished high school - but really, "ang plano lang talaga ng magulang ko ay magsaka ako hanggang sa mag-asawa at magpamilya na" M narrated.

Kaya lang naman ako nakapunta sa Maynila eh dahil sumama ako sa kaibigan ko - tumakas na lang ako kasi hindi naman papayag sila Nanay. Pero okay na kami ngayon, limang taon na din e. M continued.

I never doubted that he was.

His skin was sun kissed and tortured.

His palms were rough - like they've known hard labor forever.

And he had scars all over - from small cuts to deep ones.

When we were naked in bed, I started to trace my fingers from the scars in his hands, then to his arms, and then down to his chest.

Ang pangit, ang dami kong peklat. M

I just smiled.

Bawat isa nito, alam kong may kwento. ME

M just smiled but his eyes said otherwise.

-o0o-

I lived a secure life - no, we are not rich, but I did not have to do hard labor.

When I look at M, clothes and all, I could only see the sparkle and wander in his eyes and the light that his smile brings me...

A far cry from what his scars are trying to say.

-o0o-

Gusto kong malaman and bawat kwento ng isa. I said to M

Hindi magaganda, ikaw din. M said jokingly.

Wala naman kwentong-peklat na maganda e. I said

Hahaha - bago yun a: kwentong peklat. M said - and his face lit up again and seeing him, mine did too.

M has a hard exterior through and through but I know he is the gentlest of souls.

And again, for the first time, I wanted to care for someone.

Hindi na importante yung kwento, ang importante, lahat ng sugat na 'to ay naging daan pra sa sandaling ito - kasama ka. M

I wanted to comment on how good he is with weaving words pero I hesitated - I wanted to savor what he just said.

I touched the scar in his hand again and moved it to my lips.

-o0o-

Here's to those little moments that we live for.