On Gay Men with Girlfriends...

Natural sa lalake ang mambababae - its in their genes. OWI

Hindi natural sa lalake ang mambabae kasi ang mga bakla nanlalake - hindi sila nambababae. SHA

Ah, parang yung BOYFREND MO?! OWI

The class was in a riot already.

OO - E ANO NGAYON? ANG ISSUE PAMBABABAE - HINDI PANLALALAKE! SHA

ME was shocked to have heard her confirmation.

-o0o-

Part of the requirements for my Logic Class is a classroom debate. Our elimination rounds was on the issue:

           Anong mas masarap: spaghetti na may plema o spaghetti na may kulangot?

I know right?

From there we moved into the Semis which had the topic on:

          Natural sa lalake ang pambababae.

Which resulted to a very animated and intense argumentation.

-o0o-

You okay? ME approached SHA after the debate

San sir? SHA

Kanina? ME

Ah, okay naman Sir. Bakit po? SHA

ME was silent.

Si MAK sir, boyfriend ko. SHA

MAK is gay - he's-so-gay-he-sweats-glitter ganyan. 

ME didn't know what to say.

Alam ko naman sir. Okay lang sa akin. Naiintindihan ko ang preferences nya. SHA

ME was still silent.

We have a connection sir e - hindi din namin maintindihang dalawa - pero we get each other. Yung no need for words. SHA

Anong set-up nyo? ME

BF-GF sir - the usual. Hindi ko din naman sya prine-pressure na mag-astang lalake. Komportable din naman ako sa softness nya at ayaw ko din naman siyang baguhin. SHA

Ang hirap lang sir sa mga kaibigan kasi yung tulad kanina, lagi mong ipagtatanggol - kasi nga naman its not your usual relationship. Hindi naman lahat din maiintidihan kung anong meron kami. Hindi ako tanga sir, alam kong nagkakagusto pa din siya sa lalaki - pero I embrace that, e sa mapagmahal boyfriend ko e. Hehehe. SHA continued

What does MAK say? ME

Laging nagtatanong sir - bakit daw siya? Pwede namang friends lang kami ng bongga ganyan. SHA

Ano sabi mo? ME

Yung totoo sir: na ayaw kong friends lang kami. Willing naman si MAK to explore it sir e - okay na yun sa akin. Ikaw sir, what do you think? SHA

Ngek, hindi naman na yun importante SHA. Ang importante yung kung ano ang usapan niyong dalawa lang ni MAK - kayo naman ang nasa relasyong yan. At isa pa, mukha namang klaro sa'yo ang sitwasyon. ME

SHA started to tear up.

Mahal ko yung baklang yun sir e - kung minsan ayaw ko pero mahal ko talaga e. SHA

ME don't do handkerchiefs, so ME couldn't offer SHA anything. 

Look. ME started. Loving, more than being loved, is a gift. Napaka-swerte mo SHA kasi you're capable of that. So don't cry - dapat nagse-celebrate ka! ME

SHA smiled. Then she hugged ME.

-o0o-

Truth is, ME's first reaction was: Ano ba yan! Karnehan!

But after hearing from SHA, ME realized there are still kinds of love that ME don't know and while it may be hard to process it on the onset, what ME could at least do is to respect it.

Here's to loving whoever - whenever.

At the Losing End...

*This is an extract from my conversations with Dok. Dok has been a long-time friend but its only quite recently again that we have had the chances to talk about our lives in general.

-o0o-

Love, like most sport, is a game. And in any game someone always takes the first place and the second. And in cases where there's a tie or a draw - a rematch must be had.

Here's how'd you know if you're at the loosing end:

1. You wake up ahead of his "good morning" texts. And you get paranoid when its 8 AM already and no text still. Not too mention, you over-analyze when that text arrives at 7 AM instead of the usual 6 AM.

2. You have the last text in a conversation.

3. He doesn't throw your questions back.

4. You try to make a conversation just out of an "okay" reply.

5. Your gifts are well-thought of. His' however, even have the price tag on and the dedication card is not even signed.

6. You believe everything he says:

                       "Oh, ang bilis nmn maubos ng lube mo" ME

                       "Konti lang naman talaga laman niyan" Him

7. You backtrack your conversation because suddenly he fails to call you "mahal ko" or "kaloy ko" or "mahal kong kaloy." Sa isip mo, ikaw yung may maling nagawa lagi.

Now that you know - would you still fight for it? Would you fight a battle that you'd know you'd lose?

I know I am.

Like I know I'll always be at the losing end.

Pity party galore!

LOL!

And here's the perfect song to cap it off:


     So don't say you're sorry
    You've only this much love to give
    You see, however much love's enough for me

-o0o-

PS: Gawd! I'm still ranting about same old problems, same old insecurities and the same old paranoia. When will this end? Kalowka!