I don't know how to write this without sounding snob or too proud or villain-ish in a haciendera-owning-wide-brim-hat-wearing manner...
The trouble with Farmer Boy is that - well - ME makes more that he does. I don't make much compared to other consultants but compared to M - hay... So ano problema you say?
Of the times we went out, I had to vouch for both of us - movie tickets, dinners, cab rides... I'm turning to be a sugar-daddy and I don't like it...
One-time I offered that we take the trike just to see if he offers to pay for it but he didn't. Tapos nag-rationalize ako - he did buy the morning pandesal so I guess yung reserved money nya for fare ay nagastos na kaya he didn't pay for the trike...
Lagi lang kaming nasa-bahay - ayokong mag-ayang lumabas na kasi alam ko, hindi ko aasahan si M to shell out - he doesn't really even offer to pay half.
Alam ko naman - hndi niya kaya kasing mag-offer. And I know din na nahihiya na lang sya kapag nasa counter na kami o pag dumating na yung bill tapos direcho na lang sa akin.
Pero I can't provide for both of us every time.
And I don't think M could find another job either - he's not exactly eligible for a white collar one.
I really don't know what I'm ranting about - I mean here's a genuinely good guy that strokes my hair until I fall asleep... That would wake me-up every 4 hours so I could take my meds... That makes me laugh...
Wala naman siguro problema - eh ako mas may kaya eh - ganun talaga siguro. M doesn't ask for anything, just to be clear, nor does he demand anything of me...
But I don't want to be the provider - is that bad?
Hindi na lang ata ako talaga nakuntento - laging may kulang na lang... Nakaka-inis.
I like M - I feel that he's a genuinely good guy. But I don't really feel comfortable being the provider. So where do we strike a balance?
I guess we'll just make do with simple dates - there's a lot of room to innovate naman di ba? And who says you need a mall for a date? Meron naman yung plaza or park ganyan tapos fish ball-fish ball na lang saka gulaman... Pwede na yun.
Hmmmm...
Here's to making-do with what you can.
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If it's bothering you too much to blog about it then talk to him...
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, if overall, the relationship is still a positive one, then thrive on that.
i don't like talking about money... hehehe.
Deletepero okay pa naman - masyado lang ata akong naglook to the future - i will just resort to enjoying the moment and not think too much...
:)
A lot of my best dates happened indoors. home cooked meals. movie marathon. with the guy I really like.
ReplyDeleteI know it's frustrating to be the one who has money but just like what they say, life is like a wheel. M might just go into heights in the future.
sometimes when we experience something that is almost perfect, we subconsciously look for the it's-too-good-to-be-true twist.
i am a home-buddy too...
Deletenasanay lang siguro din ako that there are occasional surprise dinner dates somewhere mga ganyan... hehehe
i think that i have become eternally suspicious and that my defenses are on alert when something too good comes along... you're right... :)
You cannot be the provider all the time. Been there. I used to be in your shoes. It was a five year relationship, and in the end, money was the reason why we broke up.
ReplyDeleteSooner or later you will get bored. Pasensya na.
I will get bored and then what?
DeleteI feel like i'm going into a loop of trying - iniisip ko pa lang napapagod na ako. hehehe.
hala, enjoy-enjoy na lang muna kung anong meron...
You will find another. Someone who will challenge you, your intelligence, your character, your wit. Someone who at least complement your hobbies and pastimes, someone who can finish your incomplete sentences.
DeleteI maybe wrong.
I was still young when I started dreaming of another. We were still young and full of hopes.
Thank you JM. I know you mean for the best.
DeleteIma try this one out - lets see if I can see past my rants above.
Whatever it is we know have will have to do for now - I need it badly...
And go on and keep dreaming - wala naman age requirement yan. Hehehehe.
I'd like to think, that lovers will always ways =)
ReplyDeleteK
I hope we will. :)
Deletehaving a partner who's nine years my junior, i have been in your position.
ReplyDeletebut i was patient enough, i love the kid. now, may work na siya, siya na nagdrive for me and minsan siya pa nagbibigay ng allowance sakin.
pag wala kami pareho pera we lock ourselves in my room and cuddle the whole day while watching marathons of my series.
dami pwede gawin kahit walang budget. :)
salamat gillboard... we will.. and i will try to be patient - i just hope its close to being worth it as yours... :)
DeleteGillboard is lucky to have a happy ending, ako napagod maghintay.
DeleteAdam
everything in good timing - don't wait, don't expect... just live. :)
Deletei wanna see the queen back on track...quite a journey that was eehh
ReplyDeletewhat - which queen? hehehehe
Deleteit was and it still is - i hope you're having a blast with your own journey too. :)
i like calling you a queen..in
Deletequeen it is my princess... :)
Deleteim sure you can do a lot of things if you both have money to spend. however, i don't think you'd stay happy spending together. why? eventually, things will seem redundant and the initial enjoyment you experienced with those things will soon fade?
ReplyDeleteif you'd go back to the basics, try to put a price on these items:
trust
loyalty
fidelity
security
love
happiness
a good night's sleep
i hope you reconsider farmer boy more than just what he has in his pocket right now.
thank you for this Seth - you can't put a price on them really...
Deleteand yes, there is definitely reconsideration...
Dear, if it's not one thing, it's another.
ReplyDeletebakit kailangan ganun? hay - di na ako matahimik na lang at makuntento...
Deletei'm insatiable...
I'm in a quite similar situation, dear K. Mukhang magmukha ang mga tadhana natin. hahahaha~
DeleteI would also feel quite uncomfortable if I had to pay for everything every time, but maybe it's just the inner kuripot in me hehehe pero sabi nga ni Rusty, that drag queen character in that movie Flawless,"Honey, you can't have romance without finance!"
ReplyDeleteI love the quote!
DeleteThank you Weng - tama, romance is a risk-investment.