I'm irreparable - you broke me so bad that its so hard for me to lose myself in love again...
Every date ends up with me so guarded and uptight that I can only apologize to the torture I have put my dates in...
Every show of sincerity is clouded by insecurities...
Every extra attention and soft caress becomes a simple call for s*x... (Not that I get a lot.)
Every "i miss yous" and "i am thinking of yous" becomes a joke...
And this whole dating bit has just become a chore.
Sometimes I feel like i'm only for intermittent and ephemeral affairs na lang...
Sigh.
I'd like to hope that it will come (again) - that take-my-breath-away kind of loving but as of late, its so hard to come-by...
Nagmamadali lang siguro ako, kind of growing impatient because i'm not getting younger.
Bigla kong naiisip tuloy: is my happiness so dependent on being with someone?
Parang nakarely kasi for the longest time kay HE ang kasiyahan ko na alam ko, nagyon lang, ay mali. Yeah, we should have at least happiness, independent from anyone's existence, to survive.
Jusko.
Here's to finding out what personal happiness do we have - independent of people and things.
Posible kaya?
PS: There's someone though who's been trying - being patient with me - and I can only hope he hangs on until I get myself together.
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You're not alone dude. I see myself as "troublesome" these days.
ReplyDeletebut this too shall pass...
Deletei know it will...
i hope...
Hayyy, this post speaks a lot to me - like "in the face" type.
ReplyDeleteI always psych myself that happiness does not need to come from others, yet I go back, and painfully so.
Constant torment. Yeah, I think that's the appropriate term right now.
But sooner or later, we have to tell ourselves, put our feet down, and just get a grip and enough.
yeah, we will reach out saturation points and will be forced to stop before we destroy whatever is left of us...
Deletei just hope its sooner...
Don't rush yourself. Love isn't a rushy matter ;] Patience is a virtue, sabi nga nila di ba?
ReplyDeletetrouble is - i'm not virtuous.
DeleteLOL!
but yea, i will try to be patient - so iakw din... hehehe
Hmm... Ako, I learned to understand and appreciate being alone for quite sometime now. Its really hard but I guess it will work if perspective will change. Sometimes when I am side, I ask myself, what will I gain from the negativity that clouds my brain? For me, it works, because I guess I am used to it. Still, its frustrating. :D
ReplyDeletetypo, haha!
Deleteside = sad.
yes, yes - we do like to be alone sometimes it's the loneliness that creeps in that's messing us up most of the time... :)
DeleteYes, I still believe in love. Is there such a thing as a perfect love here on earth? No. Even married couples find it hard to remain in love especially nowadays in which our society emphasizes everything "instant". Does happiness depend on anybody? No, but these persons make us happy.
ReplyDeletePlease be open to another relationship. He may be the one...but also be cautious. And yet open yourself a little bit in trusting him, of giving yourself...of opening up. In due time, you will learn to love again. Wala pa ngang isang taon, di ba? Be patient, strive to be happy (parang desiderata lang}! Bod bless, Kaloy!
yes sir - I will... but wouldn't it be a blast to find something perfect... wishful thinking...
Deletethank you - your words (like the those of the rest) comforted me...
aww... :< okay lang yan te. naiintindihan kita, ako rin walang sex...
ReplyDelete-este-
oo kuya meron pag pag-asa! ako, pag naha-heart broken ako sa mga crush ko (kasi straight pala/di available/palakaperoayawrumampa/hindi pala pasok sa standards), iniisip ko na maswerte akong nakilala ko sila. kasi ang ibig sabihin nun, may makikilala akong mas magugustuhan ko kesa sa kanila. kasi kung hindi mangyayari yun, edi di ako makakamove-on. at walang may gustong mangyari yun.hindi ako, hindi ikaw, hindi sila, hindi ang diyos, hindi ang whole wide universe!
kaya makakamove-on ka rin :D
Optimism is the key to survival!
ingat! mwahx! hihi :D
(napahaba ang comment ko... kung ginawa ko nalang kayang post?? :D )
your a very wise kid. hehe.
Deletewink!
It will come back again just like how that missing left sock that you've been frustratingly looking for for hours suddenly turn up when you stopped looking for it.
ReplyDeleteFor now, enjoy life's other aspects.
i love how you likened it sir to losing socks - i lose socks all the time... hehehe.
Deleteand whatever those 'other' aspects are - we will try to enjoy them...
thank you and welcome to my attempts at life.
and I hope you na natatagpuan mong muli ang mga nawawala mong medyas kundi walang kwenta yung mataphor ko about socks! Hahaha!
Delete