Why'd you hold on for so long? ME asked Mama
Mahal ko e - what other reason do we have? Mama
ME am home for the long weekend to visit our dead and the living too - I guess.
Ganun ka-simple? Hindi ka ba nababaliw kaka-isip? ME
Kaka-isip sa? Mama asked while getting canned tuna from the grocery we were in.
When dad goes out for days or comes home late or when his excuses are not logical? ME answered
Where is this coming from - your questions? Mama
Uhmmm - from ME? They're coming from ME? ME joked
Boy trouble e? Mama
ME just smiled.
I got used to my doubts. Ganun lang yun - I learned to live with them and just focused on the good things. Mama said
Look, don't make your own ghosts son. Mama added when ME did not reply. And those doubts - they're gonna eat you alive like parasites do. So save yourself the trouble and just think of the good things.
Like what good things? ME finally said
Like he comes home to me despite. Mama started
Like the "good mornings," "good nights," and "have-you-eatens." ME added
Like the way he provides for you and our family. Mama
Like the time he always gives despite. ME
Like the fact that you have legitimate status. Mama
Like the way he attempts to make a valid excuse. ME
Mama and ME giggled a little on the last one.
There - go back to those things when you're not sure. And I know there's a lot more. Mama reiterated
I will Ma. ME answered back.
Okay. Now pay for our grocery. Mama demanded.
Ah, yun na pala role ko. ME laughed.
You are going to be ok. Mama looked straight into ME and concluded.
I know - anjan ka e. ME finished.
Mama squeezed my hand.
Home is really something...
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Your Mom is the sweetest. You're lucky to have her :)
ReplyDeleteI am. Thanks ♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔.
Deleteyour mom is like my mom, the difference is, i dont have a dad who provides and he hasnt been home since 10 years ago. Haha.
ReplyDeleteYeah, concentrate on the things that makes you happy. But be wide awake once the fairy dusts no longer work. :D
Things happen for a reason - for the best of reasons. Perhaps our dads were just supposed to be in our lives just for some time :)
DeleteYeah, I've been very cautious and been wearing my hardhat in case something falls on my head. Hehehe
The idea sounds nice, but it also means that tolerating whatever shit he may be doing right under your nose. And I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea. Are you?
ReplyDeleteI have high tolerance for sh*t. But I also when when I'm drowning in it already. Hehehe. Thanks Brian for posting the question (and your words in all). :)
DeleteI love what ur mom said and I respect her for that.. ibang level ang words of wisdom niya. however, you know naman Kaloy di ba na............ you two have way different situations? nag aalala ako kasi baka gawin mo yan eh di naman kayo kasal. shet! sorry. am I going over board na? sige na nga shut up na ko. hahaha!
ReplyDeleteMag ka muna mag isip isip Kaloy enjoy your long weekend kasi ako wala niyan. hehe
I love what my mom said too. Hehe. And yeah, I know my situation is different from hers. But i have a tendency of forgetting that and just apply whatever she says on a universal perspective. Hehehe.
DeleteNo, your not going overboard - i won't have you censor yourself. :)
Thanks russell.
"But i have a tendency of forgetting that and just apply whatever she says on a universal perspective. " - argh! pfft! tsk! hayst! ergh!.... choz lang la na masabi eh. hehe!
DeleteAy oo nga bagay yan in general pero dun lang ah pang general lang yan pang HE ah :)
Nakaka-frustrate no? Hehehe. Now imagine if it was with yourself - ganyan nararamdaman k ngayon ata: self-frustration. c'est la vie.
Deletekung ako ang nasa sitwasyon mo? panu kung mag mahal ako ng cheater and player? Hhhhmm... Unang una, hindi ko panghihinayangan yung tagal ng pagsasama namin. kung ang ginawa niya is grounds for break up eh di kakausapin ko siya tatanong ko bat mo ginawa yun? anung iniisip mo? blah blah blah then from there I will try to make things work out base sa napagusapan namin. usap hindi lang yung sinasabi niya kundi pati na din yung sinasabi ng puso, mata at kilos niya. tapos kung ganun pa din gaya ng sa sitwasyon mo eh di wala termination na yun. Pangalawa, Love is not enough. Hindi lahat puro puso at hindi rin lahat masasagot sa puso. kung gusto nating magpaka idealistic sige sasabihin ko sa'yong love can move mountains, love will show you everything, love moves in mysterious ways, love conquers all blah blah blah blah.... pero hindi eh. hindi tayo maaring mabuhay sa ganyan "lamang" gusto ko maging realistic sayo Kaloy kaya ang gagawin ko, kung sa pangalawang pagkakataon ganun pa din iiwan ko na. Totoo namang love moves in mysterious ways, love conquers all ek ek na yan KUNG ikaw ang one great love niya. eh paano kung hindi pala ako yun? tapos ang dami kong investments sa kanya? sa huli ako ang talo.. mahihirapan uli akong buuin ang sarili ko plus magkakaron pa ako ng trust issues sa sarili ko at sa mga taong mapapalapit sa akin.
Delete*Alam mo Kaloy madali ko lang nasabi yang mga bagay na yan sayo pero kung ako talaga ang nasa sitwasyon mo eh malamang hindi ko din alam ang gagawin ko. basta Kaloy sundin mo kung anu sa tingin mo ang makakabuti sayo HINDI kung anu ang tinitibok ng puso mo dahil hindi sa lahat ng oras makakabuti sa atin ang tinitibok ng puso natin lalo na kung blinded na tayo sa inaakala nating "love"
“let the wind change direction a little bit, and their cries turned to whispers.”
-Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
you take after your mother. i see that.
ReplyDeletebut i'm not really sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
thing is though, if she knows what your real story is, do you think that's how she'd answer your questions?
I'm my mama's copy.
DeleteI would like to think that mama would say the same thing - but that's wishful thinking lang.
I know gillboard. I know.
You always hit the mark, don't you.
:)
It's hard to take this all in. I mean, I feel like I know you because I read you and all but at the end of the day, that's all there is. You have made such brave decisions just as your mother has and though not a lot of people will get it (i struggled at first too), I'm sure it was all for the best. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm just really hoping i don't lose strength for all of this. Thank you citybuoy.
Delete