Tuesday, August 28, 2012

My Business...

Have you told SHE? ME asked HE

No. HE simply said

Why? ME probed

Me and you is SHE's business. J and me is your business. HE replied

I want to say "no." ME softly said

No to what. HE inquired

You keeping J. ME

HE stared at ME in silence.

But I know I'll lose you if I don't agree to this. ME said tearing up.

I'm hurting you that much - aren't I? HE said noticing my tears.

ME looked at him, tears now falling uncontrollably from my eyes. ME was about to say something but ME just bit my lip. ME don't think ME would be comprehensible when talking while sobbing.

HE then held my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs.

I know. I know. I'm sorry. HE

And ME just cried my heart out.

Ssshhhhhhhh. HE said softly. Don't you ever forget that you are also my business. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. Mahal na mahal kita... HE continued.

And J? ME finally asked.

I'll do what I can. HE said.

-o0o-

I'm a mess - gawd!

But I know I can take more blows from HE - i'll let ME bruise and bleed 'till I'm numb...

I'm sorry...
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25 comments:

  1. reiAugust 28, 2012 at 5:36 AM

    I know a lot of people who'd be willing to die for the one they love. Don't be sorry though. To love is never wrong. Just don't take it to a bad level-whatever that level is. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. gillboardAugust 28, 2012 at 6:51 AM

    tsk tsk tsk

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownAugust 28, 2012 at 7:06 AM

    Don't be sorry.
    We choose the people who can hurt us.

    At least hindi kung sinu-sino lang. Tayo ang namili. We're choosy that way.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownAugust 28, 2012 at 7:21 AM

    I said this to a friend that was in a similar situation (pagpasensyahan na ang grammaring):
    "Personally, I'd rather have you go through heaven and hell again than have circular discussions on what-might-have-beens or go through a roller coaster ride of emotions out of intellectual arguments on nothingness and ideas.

    "Whatever your friends' opinion is inconsequential to what makes you truly happy.

    "Ideally, friends support each other, not control each other."

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousAugust 28, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    Don't be sorry. I can feel the pain. This is precisely I'm afraid of, of knowing you are always in pain because of the situation. But there are no secrets which can be hidden forever. Will SHE not feel betrayed by you if you keep something from her? ME, SHE and HE are in an ideal situation and we are happy for you because SHE and ME communicate and understand each other. But J? Your (the 4 of you) status is indeed very, very very complicated. The one thing I can't accept from HE : how can you profess your love for someone and knowing fully that you are hurting him? Be strong Kaloy ! I only want and pray for your happiness because it gives me hope that people like us deserved love and can actually be happy in this life...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kaloySeptember 19, 2012 at 2:13 AM

      I want and pray the same for all of us... :)

      Delete
  6. ShenanigansAugust 28, 2012 at 9:31 AM

    Minsan, it’s better for two people to break up so they can grow up. It takes grown-ups to make relationships work.

    huwag mo na bugbugin sarili mo diyan.. ayusin mo muna ang sarili mo.

    sabi nga ni popoy "baka kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal natin kasi baka merong bagong darating na mas-OK na mas mamahalain tayo. Yung taong hindi tayo sasaktan at paaasahin yung nag-iisang tao na mag tatama ng mali sa buhay natin yung lahat ng mali sa buhay mo."

    hugs kaloy.. im sorry to hear this

    eto na lang

    "all is well"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kaloySeptember 19, 2012 at 2:14 AM

      I don't know what to fix Russell - what should I fix?

      Delete
    2. ShenanigansSeptember 19, 2012 at 10:05 AM

      I think you should start muna sa sarili mo. Im not insinuating anything Kaloy ah but I guess you need to give yourself a lil bit of halaga. Ergh! Im not good at this takot ako na ma misinterpret mo ko but anyway, Para sa akin kasi mas magiging maayos ang buhay mo kung iiwan mo muna ang masasakit na nakaraan. Let your wound heal first.. how --- Time.

      I may not know kung paano mo siya minahal o kung paano ka niya minahal. Hindi ko man nasaksihan ang pagsasama at relasyon ngunit sa ginawa niya para sakin grounds na yun for termination. empleyado? charot! ibig kong sabihin breakable offense na siya. Kung balikan ang gusto mo malaman, para sa akin hindi na dapat pang mangyari yon dahil hindi impossibleng gawin niyo ulit yun. Una pa nga lang nagawa na niya eh panu pa kaya sa pangalawa. Sabi nga ng mga psychologist, ang taong may behavioral pattern mahirap ng baguhin.

      Sorry Kaloy sa unsolicited advice. I want to talk to you about this kasi nakakarelate ako sayo at napagdaanan ko na yan kaya I know how it feels.

      Dont get me wrong ah :)

      Always remember: if you think you can't do these things *I suppose you know what am talking about* you have to trick your heart para magawa yung mga bagay na yun by saying "All is well" then mas magiging matapang ka para harapin ang mga problem.

      -haba na pala. hihi!

      Delete
    3. ShenanigansSeptember 19, 2012 at 11:45 AM

      kantahan kita diyan ng halaga by parokya ni edgar eh sige ka.. hehe! :)

      Delete
    4. kaloyOctober 1, 2012 at 8:45 PM

      Thank you Russell. You don't know how much comfort your words bring. HE is not my past - he is always my present... I'm stubborn that way. :)

      PS: Your advice is always most welcome.

      Delete
  7. KaneAugust 30, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    Why are sorry Kaloy?

    K

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kaloySeptember 19, 2012 at 2:15 AM

      For being predictable. For choosing HE despite...

      Delete
  8. OrangeAugust 31, 2012 at 11:18 PM

    I think this is something you should not apologize. Sometimes, love overpowers pain, and if I am in your situation, there is a big possibility that I will do the same.

    Screw pain. Screw what people think. I am in love and I guess that is what matters.

    Stay strong. We are here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mac CallisterSeptember 3, 2012 at 1:17 PM

    ME worried, this is a complicated situation YOU are in :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kaloySeptember 19, 2012 at 2:22 AM

      Hey Mac - we are each in our little puddles of complications - perhaps at varying levels. Thank you for the worry - now get back to worrying bout them patients... :)

      Delete
  10. AnonymousSeptember 23, 2012 at 12:55 AM

    Hello Kaloy,
    I'm anonymous, August 28. Actually, my advise to you is an advise to myself because I was also in the same situation. And it happenned - the time I dreaded the most. I did not ask for it but it csme through a situation wherein he had to make a choice between the two of us in his life. It was also a choice for me if I could be his other "person". He wanted to keep us both and I decided to end it for my sake. The pain was real and nobody could ever described what I've felt. I have read your blogs when you and HE separated and it felt the same. Everything seemed so empty and the pain lingered. It has been two weeks now and the temptation to go back to him is so great but I also know that it will imprison me for the rest of my life - the more I give of myself, the harder it will be to be my own person. Many times I think of accepting the situation and be contented of what he can offer, but I will also be prolonging my agony. I keep on questioning myself - until when? Thank you Kaloy. You may take other options but I appreciate learning from you. You mirror my own dilemna, my own situation, my own love and myself. Favorite song ko ngayon ang "Ako lang siguro ang nagmahal" ni Vince De Jesus. I learned a lot from this song. God bless, Kaloy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kaloyOctober 1, 2012 at 9:08 PM

      I love the song - I have it on repeat mode. Thank you for giving me your perspective but thank you more for affirming that each may choose their own options. I will always choose HE. :)

      Delete
  11. Shiela AguadoJanuary 12, 2013 at 10:37 AM

    Hi Kaloy,
    I'd love to follow your blog.
    here's mine: http://mihostreet.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. clydieMay 28, 2013 at 6:39 AM

    awwee :(( the great queen has fallen... i know this is the past and all my comments are so useless but this is just so sad...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kaloyJanuary 3, 2018 at 8:36 PM

      No comment is ever useless. I appreciate every letter of it Clydie. Salamat. :)

      Delete

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