Huhu Nga...

Bakit masakit? It was HE.

My faced looked more confused than Paolo B's sexuality.

Masakit ang alin? I finally said.

Ang pwet mo after, eh ilang beses naman na natin ginagawa. Hihihihihi. HE

Gago! ME

Hindi, seriously, kapag tinatawag na bakla ang isang tao, bakit masakit? HE

Someone called you gay? ME

Wala naman, pero ikaw, I often see a pained expression when someone calls you that. HE

Like last Sunday at SM, habang bumubili tayo, yung bata... HE continued.


Like what I'm seeing now - in your face... HE added


I mean, bakit tayo, nagsasabihin din naman ng bakla, pero you don't react the way you do when others call you that... HE went on.


-o0o-

You see, HE can very well pass as a straight guy.

ME?

I'm a give-away specially when I start to talk.(Its only my mamma and my pappa that denies it. Hahahaha.)


-o0o-

Well, it has been like that since I was a kid. Painful kasi siguro after lahat ng pinatunayan ko sa sarili ko at sa mundo, I still get reduced to being bakla. I guess naman kasi its hard to see past that di ba? ME said finally

Yes, but... HE

But what? ME

Totoo naman di ba? Na bakla ka at bakla ako... HE

Pero? ME

Pero bakit masakit kahit totoo? HE

Indulge me my dear Socrates. ME (I call HIM Socrates when HE gets all Philosophical on ME)

Kung totoo naman na bakla tayo, bakit nasasaktan ka kung sinasabihan kang "bakla?" So is it not the case that we just affirm na being bakla is undesirable if we are pained by being called such? HE

 I hate it when you make sense. Hehehehe. ME said.

Look, its not a question of the undesirability of being gay that I feel that is why I am pained by the term. It is more of a disappointment with the society that after what gay people have contributed we are reduced to ridicule by children nonetheless, blatantly calling out people bakla as if its okay to. I mean, I have faith in the society's ability to adapt to sexual and gender changes, but to see children act the way our generation acted before, makes me want to lose hope in the whole idea of social evolution. ME added.

Is it true? Very much. Is it painful? Yes. But faith my dear Socrates... Faith that it will be different when the twin's are where we are now. ME concluded.

So I guess its true then... HE

What is? ME

That TRUTH is painful. HE




PS. His conclusion was non sequitur, but I love him regardless...

I HAVE to Choose...

I thought I could handle three things at the same time...

But I guess three c*cks  are different from three actual life plans...

So lesson ONE: What you can do in bed does not necessarily parallel outside the bed.

Sigh - the things WE can do if it were the case...

But seriously - I HAVE BECOME MEDIOCRE.

When I was just doing one of the above, I was above average and now I'm barely hanging to poor bordering stupid...

Here's how I got tangled with the mess I'm in...

Right after college, I did RED, from 15 sections in the first year, we were cut to just 5 on the second. It was a good sign - no failed subjects and average is okay to get me through at least the second year (I just have to get through being called "kuya" every time).

But I got bored with RED so I took a sabbatical and started with BLUE. BLUE opened up opportunities for me  - I have had so many firsts with BLUE... I got to see places out of Luzon and the country, and got to attend seminars with CEOs and Directors (bilang PA ng boss ko - hahahahahahaha). I was the pioneer in all the three positions I was given as they were precisely created for me (taray much). The room for growth given by my bosses was so HUGE that its starting to swallow me whole... So the problem starts...

Barely a year and a half with BLUE, I grew tired. The processes are practically stable and the staff are well on their way to doing their jobs without supervision - this was the goal after all. What I only account for now are the usual evaluations and planning. I felt I needed something more fulfilling - so entered YELLOW.

I LUVRE YELLOW. The joy it brings me when a student gets the correct answer in a question I throw in class, is orgasmic - in a weird-academic way. But the best is when they argue with you and stand by their opinions no matter how hard you try to deconstruct their arguements and convince them that they are logically incorrect - a fallacy of sorts. I guess YELLOW kept me sane - it was my haven - with YELLOW, I felt needed.

But alas, after a year with YELLOW, I decided to go back to RED in fear of losing my inheritance (hahahahaha). So I was doing BLUE in the morning, RED at night, YELLOW on Saturdays and God on Sundays. I felt like Anemone (Cue opening song from Magic Night Rayearth) - I could do everything. Not until I saw my midterm grades at RED that it hit me - I was failing, miserably at that.

So I decided that I have to give up one.

YELLOW was definitely a keeper - its either RED or BLUE that I have to let go.

BLUE pays for all my bills.

RED consumes most of what I earn from BLUE.


BLUE does not excite me anymore.

RED, however, manages to keep me on my toes.

If I give up BLUE, YELLOW definitely cannot sustain my living (have you seen the budget cut on education?).

RED, meanwhile, is a good investment for the future and if I'm lucky enough, I shall fulfill my mamma's dream for me (maybe then I could come out - hahahahahaha).

Hence, it shall boil down to the age-old battle between what I need and what I want.

HE offered to help out with RED but I declined, its just something that I have to do and manage by myself, I told HIM. Besides, he helps more than enough with the household expenses already and he is, after all, a family man.

Eenie meenie miney moe... RED or BLUE Kaloy?

Sigh...

Of All the Things...

'Tang ina mo BAKLA ka! It was HE

BAKLA ka rin GAGO! ME

Our eyes met.

Ay, sorry... HE

And we both laughed our hearts out.

-o0o-

We had a fight the other other day be cause HE lied.

I'm okay with whatever HE wants to do, basta HE doesn't lie about it or HE doesn't let me find out..

You were not with SHE last night. ME

I was. HE

No, because I was with SHE. ME (I was not really with SHE, I always bluff about being with SHE and HE never learns... Hehehehe)

HE turned pale.

Okay, I lied. HE

And... ME

And I'm sorry. HE

AND?! ME

What? HE

And where were you? ME

Jen helped me out with something. HE

Jen is the office slut. Pardon the French. She fucks everyone and everything that has briefs. And that's a kind description of her thank you very much.

I raised an eyebrow.

YOU ALWAYS DO THAT. HE raised his voice.

WHAT? TELL ME, WHAT DO I DO? I was annoyed by this time of the thought of HE and Jen.

DOUBT - CAN YOU NOT TRUST ME EVEN FOR A SECOND? HE

I do, its Jen I don't trust. I thought.


E KUNG HINDI KA BA GUMAGAWA NG MGA BAGAY PARA HINDI KITA I-DOUBT E DI WALA TAYONG PROBLEMA. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LIE TO MY FACE? ME

CAN I NOT KEEP THINGS TO MYSELF? HE

ASSHOLE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP? ME

JERK! HE

PIMPLE HEAD! ME

I ONLY HAVE ONE AND ITS ON MY BACK DUMBASS! HE

WHO YOU CALLING DUMBASS, BUTTHEAD? ME

'Tang ina mo BAKLA ka...

-o0o-

The next day, HE picked me up for dinner.

San tayo? ME

Check in. HE

Agad? ME

He had a grin on his face.

-o0o-
We checked in to 'the' Makati hotel. (Hehehe. Sabi ng boss ko, my isang Hotel lang sa Makati - un na!)

The night was perfect.

He thought of everything.

There was Jollibee Chicken with Spag. (my ultimate comfort food), pineapple juice (chilled not iced) and eat-all-you-can Chocnut in the hotel room.

Pasensiya, I spent almost everything on the hotel reservation kaya yan lang food. HE

I looked at HIM.

Its perfect. ME (Feeling ko girl na girl yung pagkasabi ko... Hihihihihihi)

-o0o-

I was in the balcony admiring Makati's skyline.

HE came up behind me and plugged an earphone in my right ear. The other earphone was in his left.

Of all the things I've ever done, finding you will prove to be the most important one... Lea sang.

Dance with me... HE

HE took my hand, drew me closer and swayed to the song.

Abot Nueva Vizcaya ang kakiligan ko... Alam mo yung feeling nung high school pag kinausap ka finally nung crush mo? Multiply it by a ton - un na!

Where'd you learn to sway? I whispered

Jen. HE

I think I'd start and end with loving you... Lea finished the song.

I was about to apologize when HE kissed me.

Happy birthday. HE said

Tripple Whammy...

Labas ang ISA pasok ang TATLO...

I swear, kung kepyas man ang MRT, wish niyang mag-menopause na lang!

-o0o-

One of the staff was lamenting on the infamous (stress on the second syllable) MRT early morning rush.

It had me smiling the very first hour in the morning and just had to text it to HE.

Maka-MRT nga bukas. Hehehe. HE replied.

-o0o-

Light moments like this are the best.

It Had to Happen...

I think its high time we see each other and stop staging run-ins. SHE said on the phone.

Oh... ME startled as we were using my direct office line

Well, i don't think you're going anywhere and HE haven't been in a relationship this long with... Uhmmm... SHE

Sa lalake you mean. ME

Huwag kang mataray -you haven't earned that yet. SHE

IMPAKTA! I thought


Oh, did not mean to. I later said (NOTE: When I do not condense my words, that means I am irritated)

So, you up for it? How 'bout Chilli's sa Morato? SHE

Yeah, Wednesday's okay with you? ME

Mga 8 pa - I have a thing on Wednesdays eh. SHE (NOTE: The thing is her novena to the Mother of Perpetual Help I later found out)

That's good for me. ME

Ok. Thanks. SHE

-o0o-

It was over two years ago when SHE and ME decided to meet.

Well, more like SHE decided...

And looking back, we have come far into accepting that the other is a shadow of the other.

-o0o-

I went in with SHE to the doctor's office.

It was painted yellow.

We sat and listened.

SHE was okay - the cyst was the cause of a plugged secretion of some sort.

The yellow in the room suddenly felt brighter.

Whew was all I can muster.

-o0o-

I arrived at Chilli's about 5 past 8.

SHE was already there. I tell you, SHE is the epitome of "on-time" which, I am the opposite of.

I went to the table where she sat after SHE gave me the nod.

Its finally nice to come face to face with you - intentionally. SHE

Same here. ME with a faint smile.

SHE ordered ahead. Yes, even what I'm having.

I hope you don't mind, I ordered for both of us. SHE

No worries. ME

Munching on the BB ribs...

So how's the sex? SHE suddenly blurted

I nearly choked on my BB ribs.

You certainly know how to break the ice don't you? ME

Hahahaha. Yes, I guess I do. SHE

Well, its not very long nor very thick, but HIS thrust are to die for. ME

Hahahaha. Alon-Alon-Ikot ba yan? SHE

Puta - sa'yo din? Ay sorry... ME

Yup - I sort of taught him that. SHE


Hahahaha. Eh di I have you to thank pala. ME

Your welcome. SHE

Queue awkward silence here.

So you love him I guess. SHE

Don't you? ME

SHE smiled.

May mga bagay that we keep not because we love them, but because they've become an invaluable part of us. I cannot say that I love HE, but HE have grown on me already. I like him around. SHE

I like him around too. ME

And that shouldn't be a problem. SHE

So ano tayo - I mean, ano ito? ME

Hindi ko din alam - first time ko 'tong gawin. But, I will tell you one thing - I wanted to meet you. SHE

Bakit? ME

HE have changed  - considerably. HE has grown to be more of a father to the twins and more of a husband to me. Your good on him and with you around, I'm more panatag at night. We are mutually benefited. Oh God, I sounded like a user... SHE

Lumaki ulo ko bigla - yes yung dalawa.

Well, I'm not exactly innocent. I mean, you perfectly fulfill your duties as a wife that when we're together, I could be just me and not always think kung paano pupunan yung pagkukulang mo. If I may so myself, you are a perfect Stepford wife. ME

Hahaha. I guess we did good with HE - didn't we? SHE

We did. ME


I'm just glad I met HIM first. SHE

Hahahahahaha. ME

-o0o-

It was a silent ride to Kopi Roti after the doctor's.

Remember Chilli's? SHE

Yes. ME

I'm glad we did that. SHE

Me too. ME.

Its not a bump...

Hey you...

Hi-yee. You okay? ME

Yeah ... You think you can make yourself free this Wednesday?

Long shot - but I'll try. ME

Oks.

Why? Ano meron this Wednesday? Novena's not til 6pm pa. ME

Yes the Novena and I need company...

Ngek. Date ganun? ME

Hey - you okay? ME after a period silence.

They found a lump - a cyst...

-o0o-

I was putting on my tie for work.

HE was already brewing coffee.

Hey, someone's calling. HE

Pasagot please. ME

HE met me halfway on the stairs.

Its SHE, my tatanungin daw. HE

-o0o-

I'm not religous.

But I am praying my ass off that it will turn out to be bengin.

Recto-han Na Naman...

HE and ME have a favorite third wheel - Jack.

Jack's not exactly - uhmmm -

Well, Jack's a...

Now, how do I put it...

He's a callboy.

There.

And we had a chance to meet up with Jack again  during one of our Quiapo exploits.

-o0o-

So HE and ME went to Quiapo over the weekend to play yet again another scavenger hunt.

WE hunt for whatever - from Gumamela inspired socks, briefs, towels to Chinitos sizes 4, 5, 6, 7 .

Loser gets to bottom.

Hehehe.

So there we were- and most appropriately, scavenger hunt were for DVDs this time:

1. Funny Girl
2. The Queen
3. Elizabeth
4. Somewhere in Time
5. Roman Holiday
6. Sex and the City 2

The first three came from ME and the rest from HIM - we only exchanged list when we got there.

Lo and behold, 60% into my list when I received a text:

I c u po. It was a number.

I ignored the text and went on.

Number calling.

If this is one of your ploy to distract me - its not working. ME

Ngek. Ano naman po kaya yun? Jack po 'to. Jack

Jack! Recto Jack? ME

Hahahaha - opo. Yun nga po. Jack

Uy - kumusta na? San ka? ME

Pa-punta na po work. Nakita lang po kita kaya yun. Jack

Ah - dun ka pa rin pala. ME

Oo nga po eh - okay naman po dun. Jack

Good. ME

Off ko po bukas. Baka gusto nyo po pamasahe ni kuya mamaya, libre po ako. Jack

Masahe daw o... I thought.

Sir? Jack

O, sige-sige. Puntahan k namin mamaya. ME

-o0o-

What can I say about Jack - aside from the fact that his HANDS are a gift from gods...

When Jack touches you, its like there's more than two hands on your  body - sometimes I even wonder if he uses his feet...

Ganun siya - he pushes, presses and caresses the right places and often times, all at the same time...

And more than the boom boom pow after  (which is equally satisfying thank you very much...), its the massage that keeps me going back to Jack.

-o0o-

27 minutes later, I was munching on a peach mango pie when HE arrived.

Meron ako lahat except Funny Girl. HE


Oh - you win. Wala akong Funny Girl saka SATC2. ME

Hahaha - DVD challenge goes to ME! HE attempting to do the giling-giling dance.

Huy, tigil mo nga yan - umayos ka. Hehehe. ME

Sa wakas - nanalo din ako - akin ang QUIAPO! HE

OA na... Guess who saw me kanina? ME

My mom? HE

Well, unless your mom is 4 decades younger na and have grown a really large penis - then yes, I saw your mom. ME

Oo na, kaw na funny. HE as he took a bite of my pie.

Remember Jack? ME

Recto Jack? HE

Hahaha - oo, siya nga. Game ka. ME

Oo ba, sarap kaya ng kamay nun. HE

-o0o-

Off we went to Isetan...

As we were 3 hours early before closing time, we decided to check if there was any good movie we could see.

There was none.

So we bought 2 sodas and a popcorn instead.

And not even half way into my soda, a group of kids approached us - the other one I think was barely out of elementary while the two others admitted they were in third year high school (but judging from the looks of things, they're either out of school or on their first year high school still...).

Ano po ba hanap nyo? It was Stefano - the tallest of the group, in his cargo shorts, blue topman-ish shirt, slippers and anime hair dyed to a blonde.

My hinihintay lang kami. ME

Ah ... Tamang-tama po - para hindi kayo mainip baka gusto nyong gumimik muna tayo. Joel spoke - he was almost as tall as Stefano with his maong shorts, polo shirt and in what appears to be a pair of havs (appears kasi parang kulang ng "a" ung spelling - havianas ba...)

My alam po kami, malapit lang. Kahit kaming tatlo pa - hindi po kayo magsisisi. Nilo said - the youngest - as he rubbed his crotch against my back

HE and ME looked at each other. HE gave me that what-the-hell is happening stare he has.

Ang babata nyo pa ah. HE

Sariwa sir, hindi bata. Stefano

Kayo sir, ayaw nyo ba nito? Joel pulled out his now hard thingy and grabbed my hand to touch it. There were barely pubes.

Kung gusto nyo naman sir, pwedeng panuorin nyo lang kami... Nilo

I fell silent. The kids talked as if they have been in their trade for so long already. And their audacity to readily pull out their dicks and have them rubbed or rub them at some strangers back is appalling. And all this in public even. I mean, I have been to Isetan before and have had  more than my share of the boys there - but not this young, not this bold -

Uwi na kayo - wala kayong mapapala sa mga tao dito. HE said as he gave Stefano a bill of money.

I have to confess - youth inspires me. But seeing them so young with such confidence at what they were offering was "bothering" to say the least. The kids were not bad looking - they had a kanto-ish look with them coupled by innocence. But only that the innocence fades when they start their "sales talk."

I felt guilty... I felt part of the fuel that drives the kids to think that they can offer themselves so casually without even considering that their values and morals - heck! their whole being shall be tainted and altered forever.

I'm no saint. And I am not compelled to do anything about the kid's moral and values uplifting. And I'm no hypocrite either - I have no right to lecture on prostitution. But if anything at all, we could at least save ourselves from the guilt of our contribution to the corruption and desecration of innocence - not youth but innocence. They should at least enjoy it until they are thoroughly prepared to let their innocence go - and not be forced to lose it due to our  tolerance and patronage.

-o0o-

Pasensiya na po natagalan, may dumating na stocks po e. Jack

No prob. If you're good, tara na. HE

Sige po. Jack.






*Jack put on a show that night - he stripteased his way out of his clothes and worked his hands wonderfully. But no extra - not tonight.