If my Life were Songs...

HE tried calling.

7-9 missed calls, HE gets the idea that I didn't want to pick up.

HE texted.

Just to talk. You know I miss you. HE

I fought the urge not to text HE back.

But ME replied with Gago, its my *ss you miss. 

Yeah, and that. HE replied.

I miss your *ss too... ME

Hahaha. You were always funny K. HE

Then this popped in ME's head:

Funny Girl is my all time favorite Barbra film tied with The Way We Were - I cry every time.

And if anything good came out with HE's text, its that ME can finally sing my heart out to my all time favorite scene in the movie like a diva.

You see, ME is a funny guy... sige na nga - girl! Although I'd like to think ME's witty - not funny. The song, though it struck a handful of chords before, hit the home run with ME when HE texted.

I know HE wants to have the HE-SHE relationship with ME but other that the two of us, there's no other bond that necessitates further communication. We don't have kids.

ME texted back: What for? Talking I mean.


I saying sorry and you forgiving me. Hehehe. HE answered

Then automatically, ME pushed a play button and ME was at a cliff:

I don't want to talk. ME replied.

HE didn't text back.

It would be a lot easier on my part if HE doesn't text back or text at all or call forever.

That would do me good.

PS: I love musicals. I wish I could just cue to a song and dance number whenever it strikes me. Back-up dancers, singers, confetti and all...

I Just have to Answer... V2

Remember this?

Gusto ko lang matunawan ulit.

BB P. Question was: If you were President for a day, what would you do?

ME: I think I would only have time for my inauguration so I guess I'll just give a kick*ss speech that would move people to action and convince them that they can make a difference for themselves. I think that's all anyone can do in a day. THANK YOU ARA NEY TAH!

That was may exact answer at the time the question was given (like always). Hehehe.

PS: They always have a problem with putting on the crown - they should innovate on it say have a crown that automatically tightens (like rubber) around the head... Salamat naman sa BB P. for the diversion. Lets go Monday!

Heavy...

Suddenly my weight was too much for me to bear that I had to hold on to something.

I was fighting tears like trying to hold damn water in place.

Damn.

-o0o-

Regular day. Regular route going home.

Then I saw HE. 

HE looked great - better than last ME saw him. 

Every strand of hair was in place, his clothes fit him to the detail, HE was exuding a god-like aura - like he knew he looked good without trying, basta ang pogi pogi nya...

And so was the guy who was with him.

Boom.

They looked perfect.

HE wrapped his arm around the guy's shoulder and whispered something.

The guy laughed and then HE laughed.

And then, they looked perfect for each other.

Boom.

ME hid and entered the closest store I could manage to see before HE could turn around and see me.

I watched them proceed to the cinema level - HE's arm still wrapped around the guy's shoulder.

How could HE? ME thought. Alam naman niyang mall ko 'to. Then ME realized how stupid that thought was. Pipigilan ko siyang mag-mall o lumabas ng bahay kasi makikita ko siya? Stupid. 

-o0o-

I just wanted to get home - and get home fast.

But traversing the man-bridge to get home was suddenly a feat.

I held on to the railings and put all my weight into lifting my feet.

But its not just my legs that were heavy but my heart. 

I had to clench my fist and pound on it - I thought it could shake it up a bit and distribute the weight but to no avail.

Then I realized, it was just heavy - my heart was just heavy.  There was no prickling pain that stabs my heart this time. There was no feeling of a thousand needles pinching in orchestrated timing. It was just heavy.

Bakit ganun?

I figured that perhaps the weight was from still hanging on. All the excess baggage on what-ifs and what-can-i-dos to win HE back are all weighing me down. And seeing HE with another guy just made it heavier somehow. 

I'm not hurt but I couldn't let go just yet.

I just hope this lenten season brings me much needed perspective.

Here's to lifting whatever weight we are carrying.

Sigh.