Tuesday, November 30, 2010

ME to the Rescue...

si M*rk tumatawag

Lunch ko... This be better be important. sabi ko

Its stuck. si M*rk

Wala akong kilalang toll person, try ko yellow pages mamaya pag-akayat ng opis. ako

Tanga! Hindi yung kotse. siya

Eh ano? Elevator? As if naman my magagawa ako. sabi ko sabay higop ng sabaw ng tinola.

Hindi... Si V*nz, he's stuck...

At pupuntahan ko siya ganun? Hoy gago! Hindi ako pang-salo.

Would you shut up and listen? M*rk

Ay! Gumaganun?! O siya... Siya... Me

He agreed to you-know-what and...

O? He agreed and? ako ulit.

And... hindi na naituoly ni M*rk

OH-MY-F*CKIN'-GOD! sigaw ko sa canteen.

Patulong. Masakit na eh. si M*rk

Anu yan L*ckJ*w?

Hindi, may braces na kasi siya... sabi niya.

Hahahaha! di ko napigilan sarili ko.

Demonyo ka! Stop laughung, help! si M*rk seryoso.

Hahahaha! di ko talaga mapigilan...

Eh ba't ako tinatawagan mo? patuloy ko...

Kasi alam kong matutuwa ka... Ayaw mo? Gago ka talaga! Alala mo si J*n? Di ba you were in a similar situation? sabi ni M*rk

si J*n eh classmate ko sa Botany nung college. 7am yung class namin and we sort of developed a habit of having "breakfast" together - if you know what i mean...

Hahaha, anubyun... Oo nga nuh? Haha... patuloy ako sa pagtawa.

So anu na, suggest! si M*rk atat na.

Can you... Err... C*m?

Gago! Yun pa inisip mo! sigaw niya.

Tanga! If you can you-know-what eh di may sort of lubricant kayo and it would be easier to pull it out. Gets? sabi ko in my as-a-matter-of-fact voice

dead air.

Tangna, masakit eh... si M*rk

Hahaha... This is the best day of my life... Hahahaha! sabi ko.

Next suggestion... Saka paki-bilis, matatapos na luchbreak ko, wala pa akong kain... siya.

Edible ba lotion? si M*rk ulit.

Gago ka. Anuhin mu na lang yung anu niya tapos use his you-know-what instead of yours... ako

dead air.

Hmmpft. si V*nz

Taena, dami naman nito... si M*rk

Anu na? ako.

Ayaw niya eh. si M*rk.

Anung ayaw? ako.

Ayaw niyang, uhm... I-ingest yung you-know-what. M*rk

Hay! Talaga naman oo... Desperate times call for desperate measures... Bigay mu telepono kay V*nz... ako.

Your on speaker phone, kanina pa. si M*rk.

Ay... Okay... Pasensiya, tanga lang. ako.

sabay sabi kay V*nz

V*nz, akala ko ba nasa abroad ka? But that is beside the point... Huwag na ipokrito, so do us all a favor and do what your told. Don't worry, i THINK it's safe, it might not be the tastiest thing in the world but its at least nutritious. Isa pa, when you love someone, you swallow...
dead air.

Dahan-dahan lang... Aray, tang ina... si M*rk

Hay... M*rk

After a few secs...

Mahal, it tastes kinda stale... si V*nz

Hahahahaha. ako

Hahahahaha. ako pa rin

Hahahahaha. hindi ako maawat.

Huy, OA na... Pero salamat ha. I knew you'd know what to do. Hehehe si M*rk.

Gago ka, sinira nyo lunch hour ko. Me

Babawi ako, salamat talaga. Your so bright! Hehe.

You better. O siya, siya...

Gago! M*rk

Talaga! ako.

*I'm not exactly proud that i know my way out of things like those pero, this made my week talaga, promise. LOL!

Monday, November 22, 2010

OF Making MY Mistakes...

eto lang.

allow me to make my mistakes.

i need to make my mistakes.

i know, you've been in the place i am now...

and that you know better.

but stop treating me like a child, because i need to grow up again.

my walls are thick and i need to break them down, so stop putting up my walls for me.

just let me be wrong.

let me fall.

i don't care if i fall hard on my back...

or flat on my face.

all i need for you is to be there when that happens.

its sweet you want to protect me...

you always do.

but this time, just let me be.

i need to learn this the hard way because i think i'll be stronger that way.

malakas loob ko kasi alam kong anjan ka lang lagi.

i know you're right, but i need this...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Everything was cold. I faced the north wall - the fireplace that occupied half of it was not helping suppress the heat. I walked towards it to add more wood.

"It's death..." the Lady spoke

"I'm sorry my Lady?" I spoke

"The coldness, its death... Lingering... Waiting..." the Lady

I just bowed my head to her. It has been a day since we were brought to the  Tower.

The day prior, we were with the Lady on her den, quietly embroidering a quilt for the the Lady's daughter when the uniformed men came. They have accused the Lady of Treason and Adultery and was ordered to be immediately detained in the Tower.

"If his Majesty so pleases..." was all that the Lady could muster.

"Ladies, prepare my things." the Lady directed us.

"No need for that My Lady, all has been arranged." the arresting officer said.


She was accused of Treason - of plotting against the King. They said that she bewitched the King into nullifying his marriage to the Queen Katherine.

That she was a Lutheran heretic who seduced the King's thought and action into the separation of the Church of England  from Rome.

That she was a witch.

And Adultery, she was accused of that.

Of having bedded more than a hundred men in her chambers to include his Brother...

And some say even his Father.

But in my eyes, the Lady was only guilty of one thing - love.

A love that knows only right and never wrong.

A love that was potent enough to kill.

A love that faded away from her so easily as it had been reposed on her.

I only gaze at her now with pity - the fear I have whenever she addresses me is now gone.


"You were found guilty of the charges Lady. Execution is set tomorrow at 9." Master Cromwell said.

The Lady did not flinch - its as if she was expecting the verdict to be just that.

"And what of my Father and Brother Master Cromwell?" the Lady spoke most sternly.

"Your brother is to be executed today Lady and your father is yet to be judged" Master Cromwell replied and left.

The Lady looked at the window.

"Fetch me the stool." the Lady ordered.

She placed the stool near the small window and stood on it.

Her face was blank - until suddenly...

She crunched and lost her balance.

She fell and I offered my hand to her.

She ignored my hand and remained on the floor.

"He's dead, my dear dear George. Oh - this is my doing... Oh brother dearest..." the Lady lamented as she covered her face with her palms.

I just stood there, not knowing how to comfort the Lady.

The Lady who could once, at will, have you dead was now on the floor weeping.

How the fates played on her poor soul...

Poor poor Lady Anne.


We did not sleep.

At 6, we were putting the Lady's dress on. She had a pearl necklace and a pair of pearl earrings on.

At 9, we put on her red cloak.

"The execution is postponed till noon My Lady, the executioner was delayed." an officer informed her

"No sir, this could not be. I... I am prepared to die about an hour ago... No..." the Lady uttered as she paced the room

"Your requested executioner My Lady, had a bit of a trouble on the road." the officer explained

"Yes... Yes the Frenchman. I heard he was very good at cutting heads... Hahahaha. Now who would ever corroborate such? Hahahaha." the Lady said laughingly.

We were all silent as she laughed. I thought her mad but then again, who wouldn't. The anticipation of death, I can see, is unbearable.


"Your execution is postponed tomorrow Lady, as decreed by his Majesty." she was informed again at noon.

"If so pleases his Majesty." the Lady simply said.

It was only when it is the will of his Majesty that the Lady surrenders without question. A complete submission to his will.

"But I died today... Yes, today was my death." she added.


We did not sleep again and at half past 6, the Lady was ready.

She walked out to her cell. Her chin held high.

The officer gave her a bag of coins.

"This is to pay your executioner My Lady." he said

I was curios to know how much death costs but I did not pry.

We walked towards the light and as soon as the Lady was out, the platform became apparent.

The crowds were shouting at her: Harlot! Witch! Prostitute! Satan!

But the Lady have seemed to shut the world out.

She climbed the platform and addressed the crowd:

Good Christian people, I am come hither to die, for according to the law, and by the law I am judged to die, and therefore I will speak nothing against it. I am come hither to accuse no man, nor to speak anything of that, whereof I am accused and condemned to die, but I pray God save the king and send him long to reign over you, for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never: and to me he was ever a good, a gentle and sovereign lord. And if any person will meddle of my cause, I require them to judge kindly. And thus I take my leave of the world and of you all, and I heartily desire you all to pray for me. O Lord have mercy on me, to God I commend my soul.

My heart broke for the Lady.

She removed her necklace and gave them to me.

And then her earrings...

We then placed her night cap.

She knelt and fit her neck to the wood board.

I turned away.

"Boy, fetch my sword." the executioner said.


I could have never loved the way the Lady did, nor could I ever surrender to my passions.

This attribute belonged to Queens and she, My Lady Anne was indeed a Queen.

PS: I'm officially a Tudor addict. One more season to go and I'm done! Woot! And HE now calls me Mistress Anne because of my fascination with Anne Boleyn - which I hate. ARGGGGHH!!! And on our annual costume Christmas ball, I have a pretty good idea on who I'm going to be... Hehehehe. Yay!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Any Job But THATJob...

CAVEAT: R18 (hmmm... mas naging interesado ka syempre... hindi? plastik.)

Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, jaw stress, suction and gag reflex. And all the while bobbing up and down and moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothing.

-Samantha, S&theC

*and not mention having to deal with the smell (that's why we have soaps people! jeez! and if you're not into soaps [?!], there's an underwear with deodorizing abilities - find it.)... tapos there's hand placements in areas you don't normally want your hands on pa... and it wouldn't hurt to trim you-know-what, i mean really, who's into hairy m*n-s*cks? so what we're saying is, easy is more than an understatement, its a freakin' insult. so, next time you say "there's nothing into it naman eh" why don't you try if for change? mpf.

*eto yung kwento... I had an awful day at school, so i was about to go home and drown myself in misery when M*rk texted asking if i was free.

sabi ko "exams ko"

sabi niya "and when did that ever stopped you from seeing me?"

sabi ko "haba ng hair mo gago ka".

sabi niya "sunduin kita, labas tayo."

sabi ko "exams ko nga".

sabi niya "pakipot. nasa apartment nyo na ako in an hour."

sabi ko "ok."

naisip ko kasi, if i were to drown in my own misery, idadamay ko na lang siya para masaya.

so yun na nga, pumunta kami sa walang kamatayang watering hole... half way into me lamenting about how pathetic my life is and i really want out of school, out of nowhere, biglang...

"he won't go down on me..." si M*rk

"puta ka M*rk!" yun na lang nasabi ko.

si M*rk e matagal ko nang kaibigan. gwapo pero hindi artistahin. crush ko yun dati until i found out he prefers cher over madonna. right then and there, sabi ko, we're better off friends. hehehe.  ako yung para niyang confidante. haha. ewan ko ba kung bakit sa akin niya sinasabi ang mga bagay-bagay. siguro dahil may short-term memory loss ako at madali kong makalimutan ang mga sikreto niya.

"who won't go down on you?" sabi ko sa wakas

"si L*e." sabi niya

"sino si L*e? whatever happened to  V*nz?" sabi ko

"nag-abroad eh, anu ako tanga? maghihintay. gago siya, gwapo ko kaya" sabi niya

"confidence! why not!" sabi ko sa isip ko

"im tired of the kissing, gusto ko yung bastusan na... wala naman akong reklamo, i mean, he's a pretty good kisser at 16..." sabi niya

i could swear beer came out of my nose...

"gago, statutory rape na yan M*rk" sabi ko

"paano yun? kilala mo ako, hindi ko kakayanin ang pa-sweetums lang" sabi niya

"eh anu aasahan mo sa deysi sais anyos? talgang pa-sweetums lang yan... for all we know, kakatuli lang nun... iba ka, talaga naman oo. natalbugan mo ang dapa-eksena ni Miriam Santiago sa problema mo." sabi ko.

"ano problema ni L*e at ayaw niya?" sabi ko

"it's hard daw... gago hindi yun - talagang hard yun... i mean yung act, mahirap daw." sabi niya

"hahaha..." sabi ko

"seryoso gago, tigang na ako. i mean, mahirap? anung mahirap dun?" sabi niya.

"bakit, na-try mo na?" sabi ko.

"that's unfair" sabi niya.

at yun na nga, kinowt ko ang Sex and the City sa kanya. really, next time you complain about something, whatever that thing is, subukan mo muna. haha.


sabi ko sa kanya "bigyan mo yung BATA ng panahon, baka naiilang lang siya..."

sabi niya "bakit naman siya maiilang, it should come natural to him"

sabi ko "ewan ko sayo, hatid mo na ako, at aalamin ko pa kung anu ang mutuum..."

The writing style is different, experimenting lang...  Hehehe...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Green-Eyed Monster...

Not one-eyed monster.

(I just had to get that out of the way.... hehehe)

You're the cutest when your jealous.

I know you took it very seriously but you were really funny...

Every single bit of maturity you have goes out the window when you're jealous.

You don't share me your spoon...

You give me a pillow instead of your arms...

And you don't flush the toilet (which i know irritates you more than me... hehehe)

Baka naman nagpapa-cute ka lang.

Kung ganunman ang intensiyon - bagay mo.

And seriously, you shouldn't be jealous of:

I mean sure, he's a walking sex appeal...

And sure, i ignore you every Wednesday and Thursday (sometimes even Saturday) when i'm doing his marathon...


He's not the person i share my spoon with...

Or the person whose arms i rest my head on...

Or even the person who gets mad at me when i don't flush...

No amount of sex appeal (hay... easy boy... easy...) can ever make me feel the way i feel with you.

(Uy, someone's smiling...)



I sent the above as an email to HE...

You see, HE caught me jacking-off to the a scene (S1:E10) of the Tudors where Henry and Anne were doing it amidst trees and Henry asked Anne if he could finally go for the goal. Anne refused since he was not yet divorced with Katherine...

Basta - imagine Henry's half exposed butt and an enraged, cannibalistic fit towards Anne (parang bordering S&M and rapist effect) - if that won't raise Jr. up, i don't know what will so i just had to whip Jr. out and have an impromptu release (in the living room no less... hehehehe). To cut the story short, HE walked in and called me disgusting (which turned me on more... bwahahaha).

So after finishing up and wiping it all away (hay - what a waste of genes e?), i went to the kitchen to grab me some vanilla ice cream. HE was there helping himself to some so i reached for his spoon but he pat my hand...

Dun ka na lang sa Jonathan Rhys Meyers mo. HE

Tae, selos ka? Hahahahaha... ME

HE was quiet.

Uy, seryoso ka? Hey... ME

Do you ever jack-off to the thought of me? HE

Hahahahaha... ME

Di nga, its a legitimate question that deserves a legitimate answer. HE was dead serious.

I kissed him on his cowlick.


I didn't want to lie to his face: I have never jacked-off to the thought of HE.

I have always jacked-off to MY fantasies - Ahron V. (Yes, even before Survivor), Roco N., James Y. (Yes, even before Boy Abunda err... Kris Aquino), Chris T. (Hihihihihi)...

Don't get me wrong, its not that I don't fancy HE but he's far better than any fantasy...

Because HE's my reality... (I rhymed! Hahahaha)

Hay - I'm a bad kabit.

PS: Feeling ko ida-diet ako ni HE dahil hindi ko sinagot yung tanong niya so here's to uneventful nights - cheers!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The BOTTOM Line with Sir...

Finding answers are easy, the challenge is to ask questions.

So, it has been tradition that during the start of the semester, my students get to exercise their question-making abilities. This time, they get to ask me any question, so here goes.

Help me God.

Q: Have you been in a relationship with a girl? How did it go? How long have you been in this relationship?
A: Woah! Talaga namang sinamantala niyo ang pagkakataon. LOL! I have had only ONE girlfriend. It was on my fourth year at Saint L***s (No, she's not a schoolmate). Her name was Me-Anne. "Me" was my endearment to her - she calls me "My-K" (Funny, people I have a relationship with use possessives to endear me, I know someone who calls me "K Ko" -- hehehe, I miss you by the way - you know who you are. Going back, we (Me-Anne and My-K) lasted about 8 months. I guess immaturity was the perfect excuse for the break-up. Have we kissed? Did we more than kiss? Too bad that wasn't asked - mas masaya sanang sagutin yun. Hehehe

A: I'm sorry, I can't. But I will vow to equip you with practical knowledge for your future FULL-TIME JOB.

Q: Ano ang unang pinakamahalagang tanong sa isang empleyadong nag-aaply?
A: The first question I ask is "Why?" and I leave it to the applicant to qualify the question. This way, I can readily asses her rationality and how she prioritizes.

Q: Define love.
A: This is obviously a command more that a question hence, we shall strike it as null and void. Hahahahahaha!

Q: Ang pagkawala ba ng virginity ng isang bababe ay nakakababa ba ng dignidad? Bakit normal na lang sa mga kabataan ang pakikipag 'sex'? Up to what extent kaya mong pigilan ang temptation?
A: Issue pa ba ang virginity? Hahahaha. Subjective masyado yung tanong kaya para sa akin - hindi. Ang dignidad ay hindi kailanman pwedeng sukatin ng kasikipan ng keps. Yun. Also, I feel that the closeting of the topic of sex makes the youth more intrigued about it and hence, exploration begins. And in regards to temptation, I welcome it - hahahahaha. Pero kung committed ako to someone, temptation is but a dust that could easily be swept (kaya I hate commitments e - hahahaha)

Q: Gaano kahirap pag-aralan ang Obligations and Contracts?
A: Sandali - Training and Development ang class natin HINDI ObliCon - mali ka ng classroom hijo.

Q: Sir, What age are you planning to get married?
A: Bukas lang - hahahaha.

Q: Sir, in the future... gugustuhin nyo po bang magkaroon ng sariling anak? AS IN DUGO'T LAMAN...
A: Parang sobrang concerned nyo sa FUTURE ko. Candidly, OO naman - who wouldn't di ba? For any person to be given the responsibility of another persons' life would be one heck of a ride I bet.

Q: What do you do when your sad?
A: Make other people laugh - parang naiibsan kasi nung tawa nung iba yung kalungkutan ko. Kung wala akong mapatawa, I resort to (over)eating chocolates.

Q: What will make you happy and what will make you cry?
A: When people show that they remember me - even  in the tiniest of efforts - that makes me happy. And when my hands get held in way na parang hindi na ito bibitawan kahit kelan. And I cry when people cheat on me - ayokong niloloko kasi hindi ako yung taong nanloloko.

Q: When does absence takes place?
A: I don't think it does - we leave parts and parcels of ourselves in places, in things and in people... There is no absence because absence is also a presence...

Yun - I have about 160 students and their questions will be posted when I feel like it again.


Sit-in ka one time.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

No Birthday S*x...

Umayaw na ata si Mama. Ate on FB

Ano nangyari? I replied back

Sabi ni Mang*, umiiyak daw si dad na umalis sa bahay kanina. Ate (We call our lolo's brother's wife Mang)

Hala, I texted dad this morning para sa greeting niya sakin kahapon. ME

Ano sabi mo? Ate

Wait, forward ko sa'yo. ME

Asan na? Ate after a few seconds.

HALA! Nasend ko ulit kay dad! ME

Tange! Ate


All Souls Day.

Happy birthday K. Dad

I didn't reply, like when Mama greeted or Ate or even SHE. It has been a habit of mine to spend my birthday alone. It was my chance to reflect (korny, I know) on what have I done and if I still want to go where I want to. It was ME day, mine alone.

I don't know. I guess its the solace and silence that I want more than the whole brouhaha of parties - I'm a home buddy after all...

And HE? He knows I do birthdays alone that's why WE celebrated September. HE calls my day "Selfish Day" and insisted for the past years that we do something together, but to no avail... HE got over it eventually but HE still greets me "Happy Selfish Day! :)" (at least my smiley... hahaha). And HE was with SHE and the twins for a week since it was the twin's break from school plus they had to visit the dead on SHE's side so all is well...


Wait, send ko ulit sa'yo. ME

Ok. Ate


There, got it? ME

Oo - ang drama! ATE

Reverse psych lng - baka matamaan. ME

Pwede, but I'm not betting on it. Call Mama and don't tell her I told you. Ate

As if she doesn't already know. ME

Hahahaha. Basta, huwag mo na lang sabihin na directly galing sa akin, "my-nabanggit-si-Ate" ang drama mo, ok? Ate

You know that won't work - hahaha. ME

Former boyfriend is calling me. Call me after you call Mama. Ate

Ay - honeymoon mo nga pala - hahaha. Enjoy much! Love you both! ME

I for one thought that everything was okay with Mama and dad already. But I guess, Mama can only tolerate as much. 


3 November

Thanks sa griting dad. U know well that ur our dad no matter wat - and I am praying that you give that importance and respect because we do... I texted dad.

Dad didn't reply.


Mama's okay - she's strong. ME said after Ate picked up MY call.

Ano sabi niya sa'yo? Ate

She said kailangan nya lang i-assert yung sarili nya - to remind dad who she is. ME

Ah - so she re-marked her territories lang ganun? Ate

Ginawa mo namang aso si Mama - adik. Pero ganun na nga - hahaha. ME

Pero sabi ni Mang, sabi daw ni Mama nung nag-goodbye si dad for work ay huwag siyang babalik hanggang di niya hinihiwalayan yung babae. Ate

Alam mo, duda na ako diyan kay Mang, aba may super hearing powers! Hahahaha. ME

Hahahaha - and to think sa kabilang gate siya nakatira! Ate

Tama! Ano? Okay na tayo? ME

Hindi - pero like before, this too shall pass, right? Ate

Yes, it will... Hala, tama na ito at balik ka na sa paggawa ng una kong pamangkin! ME

Oo na, eto na, nakapatong na. Ate



HE had me delivered Jobee Chicken Spag the night after my birthday.

Dipping the crispy skin into the sauce, I received a text.

It was from my dad.

You were very clear the first time you sent the text son, no need to resend it. dad

I didn't reply.